A Day In The Life Of The Real Me!

New Website!

2009-09-16T22:59:00.005-04:00

Hiddy all been very busy with my new website these days. Also have started another blog to do with ghost ect. I love anything to do with the unknown. I will put up my link to my website for everyone to check out. I have to head off to my website now I'm really working on it. But I have to let you know that it's not even 40 percent finished so please be kind. lol Let me know what you all think. Check out everything and let me know. Take care I'll be back soon.

Here's my website! Have a look at Tyboolee

Sending you all hugs!

2009-06-01T23:20:00.002-04:00

Well trying to get a site together is some hard let me tell you! I've had many delays that I just want to give up. But I'm going to try to get through another one. This is a dream I've had. So many things have shot me down but my life is full of shot in the dark things. Many people and things have cause me to feel lost but not this time. So I will keep trucking on with it. It may take another try but I'm not going to give up just yet. Hope all is well in all of your worlds. Mine world is upside down but I'm slowly turning around lol

Hugs to all

~Cherlee~

Still working on my new website!

2009-05-05T23:12:00.001-04:00

I'm still working on my new website and working at the greenhouse! I'm trying to keep myself busy! lol

Sending you all hugs and much love!
~Cherlee~

Changes

2009-04-16T10:27:00.002-04:00

I'm trying to change around my blog. I like the adsense on the side it looks like it should be there. What do you think? Let me know thanks in advance. I'm also working very hard on my new site. I'll let you all know when it's ready so you can check it out. Have a wonderful day all

Hugs

~Cherlee~

Horoscope

2009-04-14T01:10:00.002-04:00

I'm looking into starting a site that has horoscope, I will read tarot cards, information on ghosts ect. I will let everyone know as soon as I get it all together.
~hugs~

Soles United

2009-04-06T20:33:00.001-04:00

What a wonderful idea! It really makes me realize that there are some wonderful people in this harsh cold world!

Visit Soles United

My top 25 work out songs for the Treadmill

2009-03-15T21:39:00.000-04:00

My top 25 work out songs for the Treadmill

Mony Mony - Billy Idol

Circus - Britney Spears

Believe - Cher

Give Me The Music - Eva Avila

Hot N’ Cold - Katy Perry

All Summer Long - Kid Rock

Poker Face - Lady Gaga

4 Minutes to save the world - Madonna & Justine Timberlake

Black or White - Michael Jackson

Bye Bye Bye - N’Sync

So What - Pink

I want to break free - Queen

Rehab - Rihanna

Me against the music - Madonna and Britney Spears

I kissed a girl - Katy Perry

Ain’t it funny - JLO

When I grow up - The Pussycat Dolls

Rockstar - Nickleback

The Warrior - Patty Smyth

Miss Independent - Kelly Clarkson

Ray of light - Madonna

Ricky Martin - Shake Your BonBon

Thriller - Michael Jackson

Please Don’t Stop The Music - Rihanna

Rebel Yell - Billy Idol

Hope you enjoy it. I will add my other list soon. I started to work out before the season at the greenhouse starts. I ended up being sick and only ended working out for three week. Now I plan on going back full force again! Send you all hugs and love

~Cherlee~

Tired

2008-12-07T02:32:00.003-05:00

I'm still up this is getting to me. I haven't had a good night sleep in ages. My mind just races and races. I don't want to have to go on meds again to sleep. And it's not from drinking coffee ect. I drink only decaf stuff. I guess it's time to find something to do. I guess so much has happen my mind just wants to work overtime! lol

But on a good note my grandson is growing like a weed. He just turned 15 months I just love that little guy so much! He can make a very dark day so much brighter. I can't wait for Christmas morning it's going to be fun. Well I should go to bed I have things to do in the morning. I know this is short but I want to start writing almost everyday. I have so much to say but I'm so lonesome for Newton right now.

Talk soon

Sending you all hugs and much love
~Cherlee~

RIP Newton I love you!

2008-12-06T02:05:00.002-05:00

Dec 3rd I had to put my 13 year old dog down. My heart aches so much for him right now. I haven't been the same since. I loved him dearly but he was in so much pain and he was getting aggressive he has even bit me. From the start he was so passive and loving. He was still loving until the last day but the pain I guess was to much for him and he wasn't happy.

The morning of the third my grandson was coming down the hall to say hi to me when Newton snipped his face. Nothing serious but I knew it was time. He has tried this before and I knew he couldn't take it anymore. If you read my blog awhile back you'd notice I bought a green long runner for my kitchen and hall way so Newton could walk around without trouble. But in the last month he couldn't even walk in the living room and he kept falling. The last month he also couldn't make it up the stairs without falling up them.

He bark all the time because he thought he heard things and there was no one there. He was going blind and the lump on his side was almost the size of his whole side. I knew he couldn't take it anymore. It broke my heart but I didn't want to put him down. My husband and I talked about more in the spring and he would take him to get it done because I didn't have the heart. Newton was my dog and he was always with me with my husband always on the road Newton was my protection and my buddy.

But when he hurt Tyson I knew he couldn't take much more so I called the vet's office and made an appointment. It was the hardest thing I had to do. That was at 11 in the morning and his appointment was at 3:30pm . It was the longest 4 hours of my life. Newton hid on my side of bed on the floor. After snipping my grandson he knew he did wrong and just was so sad. This broke my heart I didn't even yell at him for it. I couldn't even speak when I saw what he did I was speechless in a way.

So when I took him to the vet's they asked me if I wanted to be there when they put him down. They explain that they would probably have to muzzle him and have to be a bit rough because he would fight when they give him the needle. I thought I didn't want to remember Newton this way. I told them I just couldn't do it. I hugged him tight and started to cry and told him how much I loved him. Also how sorry I was that I had to do this. I ran out in tears and didn't look back I just couldn't. But I feel so guilty right now. He was so scared I should of been there till the end. I really hate myself right now. I can still see his brown eyes looking up at me scared. For the last two years he's been afraid of everything and he would be stuck up my butt and I would get mad and yell at him to leave me alone sometimes. And now I wish he was stuck by my side as I write this. There such an empty feeling to my room now. There is a empty spot near my desk that I made for him to lay so he's comfortable. And it's so empty.

It breaks my heart. Cody my other dog seems so lost to he keeps looking for him and waiting by the door for him. When I let him out he goes looking for him. I know he needed to rest and stop the pain he was enduring but I feel so guilty that I had to do this. I miss him so and he trusted me and I brought him to the place he was afraid of and I left him. Gwad I wish I didn't have to do that.

Well I have to stop writing I can't type anymore the tears are blocking my view.

Thank for listening

Sending many hugs
~Cherlee~

Happy Remembrance Day & More

2008-11-11T21:12:00.003-05:00

Well I missed it here so I'm back

2008-09-17T20:18:00.001-04:00

I'm going to try to put stuff up here again. I've missed it here. So in the next little while I will put up stuff I like. So talk soon

Many hugs
~Cherlee~

2008-08-17T12:37:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday Melanie!

2008-07-16T10:22:00.001-04:00

Today is my daughters 22nd Birthday! I'm so very proud of far she has come! I made her a video of pics but not sure how to post I may post it sometimes here! Anyways gotta run laters
Hugs
Cherlee

Just me

2008-06-30T21:59:00.002-04:00

Wow time does fly. I only have two weeks of work left and then I'm on layoff. I don't really look forward to it. No more money for awhile but that's been my life for 11 years now. Smiles seem to come much easier these day. I look at my grandson and see the wonder in his beautiful blue eyes. Even thinking about him now I smile. He's going to be 10 months tomorrow!!

This is short but sweet I gotta get ready for bed. I will write soon.

Anywho need to smile find a sweet little baby sweet and innocent and try to imagine looking through their little eyes and you'll see such a world of wonder. It's so sweet!

Sending many hugs and much love your way
~Cherlee~

Loses

2008-05-10T00:29:00.002-04:00

For the last year all I keep thinking about is the lose of my ex. How he was so young to leave this world. And on the 20th of May it will be a year. I have a hard time dealing with this at the best of times. Death is such a final thing. You can't go back and try to help or make it better for others or yourself.

May has been a month of loses. I lost my Uncle to suicide on the 7th of May 5 years ago. I think about him a lot this time of year. It breaks my heart to see my mother and my grandfather miss him so. I wish I could just bring him back to them like I wish I could bring my ex back to all the ones that truly love him. I know I can't but I wish I had the power to make it alright.

Yesterday my mom informed me about another uncle that is on life support and they are just waiting for my cousin to get back from a vacation she was on to pull the plug. They all live in another province and it was a shock for the whole family. I walked around with my head in a cloud yesterday. Shocked once again the tears flowed once more in the month of May for another lose of a love one. Then last night my mom calls at 10:45 pm and I knew it wasn't good news. A good friend of mine her mother just passed yesterday morning. This was a shock because we thought it would be her dad first. She's coming down tomorrow night from the states where she lives to be her with her family. Her sister and I were friends first and have losted touch but she was a wonderful friend and I will call her tomorrow.

Her mom was really neat. I thought she was great. My heart goes out to her so much. Last year when my friend was home for a visit she called to come visit and I had to tell her my ex died and was dealing with stuff and she said she'll make sure she will visit me the next time she's home. Well she was making a trip in June to see everyone. But she has to make the visit a month early. Not a happy time for her and her family. This month is so full of loses. And each year the loses are harder to deal with but I know I can help my friend by being there if she wants me to.

It helps to help other and to let them know that you understand the hurt and the ache they feel when they think of the love one they just losted.

I want to send many hugs to all of you. Please remember that life is way to short and each day that goes by I see that it gets shorter. Just grab the one you love and let them know you need and love them. It will put a smile on their face and a wonderful feeling in their heart. Give a little of yourself and it will be one of your greatest gifts

~hugs~

May 1

2008-05-01T19:59:00.002-04:00

Wow May already! Time sure flies fast. So many great things happened and one of them is a friend of mine lent me a book on Feng Shui. I'm so glad she did it has changed my life. I'm starting to change things in my home and life. I'm starting to find myself and what I want. I have taken some steps to reach out to some people that I know I need in my life. I have truly missed them. Things happened that we drifted apart and stupid things had gotten in the way. Now I'm taking steps to forgive. I may not forget but I know that I've become bitter to so many things that I stopped growing. So now it's time to let go it only has made me a loner. Not anymore I want to think positive for today at least! lol All this makes so much sense to me but may not to you.

But what I'm getting at is get yourself a book on Feng Shui and you will understand. Also my grandson is 8 months today!! I just adore that little guy. He was the start of my changing for the better and the rest seems to slowly fall in the place. I'm starting to start to smell the flowers as they say since I work in a greenhouse! lol Anyways sending much love and hugs your way

Cherlee

Today is a low day!

2008-04-19T15:29:00.002-04:00

Today is one of those days that you just feel low and you just can't get yourself back up. I woke up at 8 am in a great mood and as the day progress things just went down hill. So that's about it for now I just don't want to get into it right now. But at least I got this much out! lol

Thanks for listening

~Hugs~
Cherlee

Wow George Jones is awesome!

2008-04-17T18:53:00.002-04:00

I went to see George Jones last night with my dad. It was awesome it brought so many great memories and some sad but I realize that I let things go for once. For dad's birthday in January Mel and I bought Dad tickets to go see his favorite Country singer. Dad and I went last night I took some pics and videos and bought dad a few souvenirs. It was wonderful to see my dad so happy he was so happy that when George came out I saw him wiping his the tears of joy away. I silently hand over some tissue and he took it with his blue eyes sparkling with happiness! That's a moment I will treasure forever. To see my dad that's been in so much pain with his knees these days and other things it was nice to see him smile and laugh. He sang along with George and this meant the world to him. I'm starting to see where I get my soft heart from.

When the sad songs hit the tears flowed down my eyes and I'd look over at dad he was doing the same thing! lol It was a great night all around to share a special moment in time with my dad has gave me a lot hope that great things do happen to people. My life has been such a ups & down emotional ride that I forgot to let my hair down so to speak. lol And I realize that the little things sure mean the most.

I did have a sad moment but it was also a great memory was when George sang " He stopped loving her today." The tears really flowed but they have been sad tears for a lose but when I looked over at dad and he smiled knowing why I was crying it seemed to make it better somehow! The look of understanding in his eyes and knowing that he didn't think I was being silly made it ok to let it go. So dad thank you for being you. This is one Concert that I will never forget.

I love you Dad!

Sending you all hugs
~Cherlee~

Happy Easter!!

2008-03-20T21:13:00.002-04:00

Happy Easter from Ty and I!! He's growing up so fast. Sending many hugs your way!

Cherlee

Life just flew by!

2008-02-29T23:31:00.002-05:00

Funny I haven't been on here for so long and I thought it was just yesterday! A lot has happen like another flood, septic tank problems, wiring problems, flu, ect. Sunday is Ty's Baptism and today he is 6 months old! Time sure does fly. The poor little guy has a rash all over. It's terrible he's look like he as measles or chicken pox! But it's not it's Eczema. Well everyone says he takes after me because he has such sensative skin poor baby.

I have to go to bed I know this is short but I plan on visiting everyone's blog and catch up after this weekend. Sending many hugs your way!
~Cherlee~

Well it's been awhile

2008-02-08T01:05:00.000-05:00

Hiddy all I've been sick with my stomach infection and a flu so I'm recovery at this time. I'm doing ok so far. Will come check out all your blogs soon. My grandson is growing like a weed everyday and I can't get enough of him. So many things have happen but will write soon to tell yah.

Sending many hugs your way
~hugs~
Cherlee

Hi

2008-01-24T21:08:00.000-05:00

Well my basement is dry but not totally back in order. Mel's carpet will stay cut she not to please but I'm not replacing it with another new carpet for the forth time yet. I have to go to the laundry mat it sucks but it could be worse. I've been really busy with Yuwie. I like it but I miss my blogger friends the most. I will make sure I write on here. On Yuwie I don't put this sorta stuff I'd rather keep it here. I talk about different stuff like making money ect.

I'm enjoying that grandson of mine. I knew that a grandchild makes your world brighter but I never realized how bright! When it gets to much I run and pick him up and look in his eyes and I just giggle. He has the blues of eyes and they are laughing most of the time. I hugs and kiss him and he loves it. I try not think of the day he starts walking because he going to see Nana coming and run away screaming because he know I'm going to give him hugs and kisses! lol

He's the love of my life. And I look at my beautiful daughter in a different light too. I see what a wonderful loving person she has become. She is a great mom sometimes it really surprises me. She has grown up so much in the last year it amazes me. I just wish she didn't hurt so much over missing her dad. I wish I could fix that one but I can't.

I hope that life gets better. I remember I use to be so positive about things. My favorite saying was things will work out they always do. Life has push that down.
But I'm starting to think that way again. I don't want to let friends, family and life get me down. I know it will but I wanna have a better outlook on life. I need to so my health will get better.

Went for my stomach and bowel scope. I have Diverticulitis's so I need to eat more fiber the pain can be really bad sometime but I go see him at his office for help on that. I finally found out it's not in my head it's is a real pain in the ass lol! But I was cleared on all other things at that end and I was happy. I had one also for my stomach and he found and infection of some kind and he took some biopsy of that and I will find out about that at the same time on my next visit.

It felt wonderful to find out it wasn't in my head all this pain. My doc kinda thought it was nothing but he was smart enough to send me to a specialize. And he found something.

I was awake for the whole thing. I was so nervous. Everyone told me I was going to be drugged and I wouldn't know what was happening and I didn't like that I hate that feeling of not having control of my body. I was having major anxiety attacks and the nurse was great I told her I don't take meds for my attacks anymore I try to do it without and she told me she was going to give me something to relax and I started to tell her that I didn't want to be stones and she just took a small needle out. My worse fear is choking and having a scope going down my throat was freaking me out.

But both scopes weren't that bad at all. For the stomach I had to gargle with this horrible stuff to freeze my throat. I started to go into a bad attack when my throat was frozen because I couldn't swallow! So I sorta stop breathing a bit she had to calm me on that one she was wonderful. I felt I was being a pain in the ass and she said that she was surprise I wasn't freaking more. Then I had to put this bite guard in my mouth and down went the scope I didn't feel it in my throat but felt it in my tummy. It only took a few minutes and done. Then it was the other end and that hurt near the end when he was up farther and then it was over. I was surprise because I look at everything and asked question! I was so proud of myself. The doctor was so nice and told me if he could have his patient more like me asking questions and awake it would make his job so much easier. When I went in recovery the nurses were surprise that I was awake through the whole thing. They told me everyone that comes out is under when they get us.

The doctor came and talk to me about everything in recovery and the nurses keep asking if I remember what he said. I had to keep telling them yes and repeated what the doctor said! My dad told me he was the same way. I'm thankful that I was awake because it was something I was always curious about but was to scare to look at.

Well I blah blah way to much again.

So anywho life can be a bowl of cherries but it can be the pits sometime!!

Sending love and Hugs your way
Cherlee

In the New Year it starts again!

2008-01-16T08:45:00.000-05:00

Well I'm really worn down now. Mel, Al and I have been moping up water in my basement that didn't leak until those nasty ass contractor work on my basement. The water smell like sewer! I have a bathroom downstairs but it has a leak and you can't get to the pipes because they closed everything in and the hole they made in my basement wall the asses were supposedly fixed last year is leaking all over the basement. I called NB Housing to see if they can help and the contractor refuses to come here. He got the same responds I got. So now Mel's room is in shambles and most of my carpets are ruined had to be throw out for the forth time. And I have a wash machine I can't use because it cause a water leak and we can't see where it's coming from. Mel's carpet is cut in half because it was that part was totally ruin. I feel really broken I have been fighting since 2005. How do contractors get away with not fixing the problems they caused. He said my place cost him to much money he losted. Understand but is it my fault No it's his workers. I do have pics but will post later.

He's sitting in a beautiful home he build while working on my place. His worker didn't come to my place half the time because they were working on his home. Loser! No I'm the loser for trusting him I guess. Now we have to take more money to get this problem fixed and will everything that's going on I say what money! Well I'm don't feel like writing anymore. Talk to you all soon. Hope your lives are going better! I wanted to keep this upbeat but I really feel broken. DON'T EVER HIRE BOWSER CONSTRUCTION IN SACKVILLE NB!

Sending many hugs and love your way
Cherlee

Happy Birthday Bruce!

2008-01-05T10:09:00.001-05:00

You taught me how to love; you taught me how to live; you taught me how to laugh; you taught me how to cry, but when you left, you forgot to teach me how to forget you.

Author Unknown

Today would of been Bruce's 45th Birthday! Mel's having such a hard time but she's getting through. I told her it's ok to say Happy Birthday to him even if he's not on this earth. He's still with us everyday but in a different form now. I remember him saying when I was with him if he ever died he probably wouldn't be missed. If he'd only knew how much he is missed! But maybe he does?!

Anyways thanks for listening! Sending love and hugs all your way.

~Cherlee~

Happy New Year Everyone!

2008-01-02T16:55:00.000-05:00

Wow it's been a busy few months I must say! Sometime I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. But maybe things will start to slow down a bit. But I do have a lot of doctor appointments to look into. On Jan 22 I'm having two scoops done. A little nerves about those but hey it has to be done to find out what's wrong right???! lol

I want to finally take care of myself for once. I told the crew that this New Year is the year of Improve Me! Let's see how long that will last. tehe

In the last month I had one friend find me and we talk all the time it great. She may not live close but by phone we can keep in touch it's wonderful. And another friend I found on Facebook! Wow the month of Dec was a month of surprise for me!

Christmas day I was totally overwhelmed with my gifts. Wow I was so overwhelmed that half way thur unwrapping I had to stop for a half an hour. My parents really went all out this year! Mel always goes all out for her mom! She really knows what to get me and put a huge smile on my face. Al also surprise me it was a wonderful Christmas. Hubby wasn't home but hey he really is never here anyways. You sorta just get use to it. Why get disappointed when he doesn't make an effort anyways. But anyways enough of that!

Well I'm making this very short for now because I have become very tired. I have done alot today so I thought I write a little to say Hi!

Sending many hugs your way!
~Cherlee~

~Merry Christmas Everyone~

2007-12-24T05:23:00.000-05:00

Girly Comments & Graphics

Wishing you lots of love and happiness this season. ~Hugs~
Cherlee

Yuwie

2007-12-17T02:51:00.000-05:00

I'm have joined Yuwie blogs. No I'm not letting this one go. I'd miss you all way to much. But there is a different with Yuwie blogs you write and make money by viewing pages, making friends and getting them to view your page. Getting referrals ect. It's fairly new so it's really great to get in now. I have to make some extra cash because with all that has happen I need to pay of the extras with Christmas and other things that happen like Life!! lol

So I looked into this and I thought I like blogs writing. Just like I've been writing for helium and I already just got my first $25.00 dollars in my paypal account. I really like this. Also I have been paid twice by Ads by Google. I have made $200.00 doing that. Whenever I'm on a site I'm know to click on these ads I know it helps whoever is has them up and most of the time I'm interested in what the ad talks about and it only takes a bit of time. So if you like the ad at the top of my page and if it intersts you why not click and check it out. This money I put towards my grandson. Love it! There are many ways to make some money online why not try check them out. I have another blog that I'm setting up with some money making sites and other ways to make money. I'm finally taking the time. Even though I'm busy I'm trying to get it all together. So talk soon sending many Hugs
~Cherlee~

Hi

2007-12-14T19:34:00.000-05:00

Hi I noticed I let this blog go once again. I've been so busy trying to keep it all together I forgot to write. Well there were some great things that happened for once. I found 4 people that have been important in my life that I have lost contact with. People may be hating facebook but I found friends and family and it's great. One of those people is a long lost best friend! It was great we talked on the phone for 9 hours last night and it was like old times!!! She was a part of my past that I really did miss.

She help me with unanswered questions I had. It's funny I hadn't talk to her in years and I was so nervous on the phone for about a min. My shyness is what I hate but once I heard her laugh the shyness left in seconds! I also found my brother's best friend and M is so excited to talk to him. I found a childhood friend and we have been talking about old times. I sure needed this after all the sad events that have been happening over the last few years. It's nice to talk to someone that has know me forever and I don't have to be someone I'm not.

Hubby ended up going back to the old company he worked for and they welcome him with open arms. So he's back on the road and out of my hair. Money is so tight but what the hell it could be worse. I'm not going to let this ruin my Christmas with my grand baby. Tyson is growing like a weeds and getting cuter everyday! So right now I have to run and get some stuff done. So sending you all huge Hugs! And all the love you need! I've been missing you all among the hectic parts of my life!!!
~Cheryl~
p.s This is Ty and me singing Christmas songs

I need to talk about baby Leah

2007-11-26T03:12:00.001-05:00

I have many things happening around me at once a week ago it wasn't a very happy time. I had to have a tooth pulled it was horrible I'm just getting over it now. It's been 9 days already. Hubby lost his job. A week ago last weds my brother called me to tell me about a murder suicide that happened and it was one of his bosses that was killed. Her ex boyfriend shot her then himself. She was only 35 years old so I was shock because I sorta got to know her. About 4 hours after that my mom calls to tell that one her her foster girls baby died! Her daughter was 4 months old! (My parents have been foster parents for 20 years and I've gotten to like a lot of them.)

I'll call her G she hasn't had a good year at all. Many thing have happened to her this year but this was the worst. She found out she was pregnant with twin and they were due in Aug 18 I think around there anyways but her body couldn't hold them anymore she gave birth to two little girls on June 27Th. They were born way to soon but they were strong enough to keep going. Finally G took them home and they continued to grow and get stronger each day. I was suppose to go see the girls but for some reason something kept me from seeing them.

So that when mom call to tell me that one of G's twins died my heart just stopped in my chest and I couldn't breath. I just couldn't speak I was in shock. All I kept thinking was poor G! She has no family ect for her hubby's. So I decided to get a hold of her. She finally contact me because she wasn't at her home she was at her sister in laws home because the police did a lock down on all her things. Social services got involved and took her children away. The new law is if a baby dies they shut the family down right away. In a way this is good. But on the other hand when
you know this family hadn't done a thing. It's horrifying

All I keep thinking was this poor girl can't even grief for her 4 month old baby. She and her hubby also has to be questioned over and over again. She can't see her other kids and she can't even go home. I just didn't know what to say but I did tell her I'm here for her and she was thankful for that.

So she and I talk back and forth through email when she had time. I told her I didn't want to call her being that she was not at her home. So last Sunday I spent time at a funeral home saying good bye to a beautiful angel looking little girl called Leah! She looked just like an angel. The white coffin was so small. Mel and my mother just stood for about 5 Min's looking at her in shock. She looked so peaceful and I was so thankful for that. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. The death of a child is the worst of the deaths. They were cleared last week we all knew they would. Poor Baby Leah died of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)

So this post is dedicated to baby Leah Kay Richardson born June 27Th passed Nov 12, 2007. I may have not known you that well but I know your mommy and she's is a wonderful soul. I know that she gave you the best of herself when you were on this earth precious. Please watch over her sweetie I know your in a better place now. Bye Bye sweet baby Leah I'm sending many hugs your way. Love ~Cherlee~

The Quilt Ol'Lady Made For Ty!

2007-11-15T03:35:00.000-05:00

Here are pics of the beautiful made quilt Ol'Lady made for our Ty. Sorry it took so long for pics but finally here they are. It's so nice to know that there are such wonderful people in this world that have hearts of gold. And Ol' Lady is one of them! Thanks for being a wonderful part of our lives hun! *~Hugs to All~*

Happy B-Day to me!

2007-11-12T00:19:00.000-05:00

Friday was my 43rd birthday. It started out just awful up until 6pm. Then the rest of the time it was a blast. Mel, Al, Tasha, My brother Mike, Jam, and Melin took me out on the town! I had the time of my life and I also learned the card game drunk driver. Let me tell you I was feeling no pain after two games. It was a blast the kids made sure this year I had a blast and they accomplished it with flying color! I just want to say I love them all very much and I had the time of my life! I sure needed it! On to another year but with a smile this time.

Oh by the way I do have the pics of Ty and his beautiful quilt that Ol'lady made for him. I will put them up tomorrow!

Sending many hugs and much love your way!
~Cherlee~

Play pen Garbage???

2007-11-06T02:33:00.000-05:00

If it's strange it will happen to me? lol I didn't want to write this story until it was over because it would just piss me off to much during the process and I'm trying to reduce the stress in my life! Well like that is possible but I'm trying lol

When Mel first went into the hospital I had Ty a lot upstairs with me while his daddy work. So I didn't have his crib upstairs and he had to do tummy time. I never heard of tummy time until Ty. Tummy time is making sure your baby lays on his tummy during the day so he doesn't get flat head. Because Ty sleeps on his back because these days they say it's safer. Flathead is when the baby lays to much on on side of his head and it starts to go flat. It's a problem when you have a sweet little one that favors one side of his little head like Ty. The reason I've never heard of this is because Mel slept on her tummy when she was a baby not knowing what danger it could cause. But I understand about all the problems that baby have sleeping on there tummy these days. I get it but Mel didn't have a problem with her head because she slept on her tummy. But to be on the safe side he sleeps on his back.

So I notice he was getting flat head I was freaking so I remember that Mel and I had went out to get her a playpen after he was born. That day I was lucky because my daughter from another mother came to visit my Tasha. So Tasha kept an eye on Ty while I went and dug the box out from his room and drag the sucker upstairs. As she held Ty Ty we talk about her schooling while Ty Ty sat on his Auntie Tash knee in a great mood. As I started to cut open the box where it was tape around the edge. And I remember asking the girl at Walmart the month before why it was taped. She replied " Don't worry we check all our items." Not feeling comfortable with this answer but Mel and I figured get it now because it was the last one. She was going to need it and when was the next time we would be out to get another one. So I put it in the cart and off we went.

So here we are a little while ago me opening the box and I smell this odor. A weird odor as I cut the tape off. As I open the top of the box I notice this pink fuzzy thing . As Tasha continue to tell me about her course at University I pull out this pink thing and it a freaking moldy dirty pink pillow!!! A freaking dirty moldy pillow. I say WTF out loud and notice the box really smells like garbage and pine sol and something else. So I start pulling dirty moldy clothes and stuff out. Then I stop dead there is a bottle of Javex in the middle of the box. And I'm deadly allergic to that stuff. I throw everything back in.

By this time my blood pressure is ready to hit the roof! I have been through enough shit by this time with worry about Mel and her operation and the other going on. Another story for another day. Anyways I get the phone book and call Walmart and it's Sunday so I know that it's possible that I may not get a manager. But I did and his name is Trevor and he sounded 12! I explain what happened and I told him I don't think I have the receipt. He informs me that the only way I can get another playpen is if I can either give him a receipt or If I can found out what day we purchased it on. I told him I don't know the day and I should be able to take it back for an exchange it's was their fault ect. No he had to find it in the computer what day I bought it on. To prove that we bought. I get it but hey I don't have a f@#$@3 receipt right now my daughter was in the hospital getting ready for an operation the next day! I told him never mind I will be at the store in the next day or two to deal with this! My husband suggest to get Mel's bank statement because she usely pays by debit so we get that on Friday of last week. So she went through her bank statement on the day she purchased stuff at Walmart since August first. and She purchased a lot at that store to date!

I didn't get there until yesterday with everything I finally had time so I got my Mom to take me since Mel had a appointment in town so I took it in no problem the manager was a female and she was a bit of a bitch but she understood. Gave me a gift card of the same value. I told her I don't want a gift card I just want another playpen and she said she has to do it this way I said "Thank you very much" And was on my way to get another playpen. Finding another playpen with the new sale person was a freakingventure.

He said they had none and I found one duh!!! It was right were he was looking. The reason why I found it was I pulled the boxes out and just didn't look at the ends of the boxes! Then I wanted to open it because this one was taped and he said "No I don't think so." I said listen here I just went through this before and explained very quickly what I went through and he finally let me open it. And Voila a New Playpen! I was happy

Then I wanted to take it in my cart and he argue with me that the baby in the cart may get hurt. I told him the way I was putting it the baby will be fine. Then he throws his body on top of the box and says " I can't let you take it because it may fall on the baby." Well this really pissed me off. I told him in a cool but stern voice " Do you think I would put my grandson in danger buddy!!" So then he said I will only put it in a certain way and proceeds to take my purse out of the cart to put it in! I grab the box and said this is the way I was going to do it so please move out of my way! He finally got that I was pissed and when I put the playpen in the cart and not even near Ty Ty. He said oh that it oh! Bastard! So on my way I went. phewww thinking this is over.

Mel had to do some shopping so we roamed around the store for baby items the four generation having a great time shopping in the baby dept. Mom, me, Mel and baby Ty Ty.

Mom running away with Ty and loving every minute of it. For a lady of 60 she sure can run around that store with a 15 pd baby! Yupper our little Ty weights 15 pounds! lol We were having a blast I enjoyed our shopping around the store it was so much fun.

So I get through the cash with my purchase and head for the door to leave when this not so bad looking guy stops me. I had noticed him in the last hour we had been there. Around every area we cover in the store but didn't think nothing of it. So he stops me as I leave the store and asks me If I was the one that brought the playpen to exchange and I said yes.

Then he proceeds to tell me that he was security and that he reviewed the tape at the exchanged counter and I brought back a playpen and there wasn't a playpen in it!! OH Fu@#$% Duh! WTF I proceed to tell him the story and he keeps cutting me off and keeps say there isn't a playpen in it. That he found garbage. I finally had to cut him off and tell him why! I also inform him that they needed to check there items more like he was doing with me maybe he could of caught the thief that brought the playpen back. By this time Mom was getting really annoyed with him. And said you need to get more security in here and caught the one that doing this instead of a innocent victim! He finally got the drift after 15 mins and let us leave. I also made sure that I told him about the Javex bottle that it could of put me in the hospital if I would of went near it. That they were lucky nothing happened to me.
I said to mom " If I was to put garbage in the box I would of been the dumbest thief because we stayed in the store shopping for over an hour.

And Mel was ahead of Mom and I and she purchased the playpen with the gift card along the other stuff she bought and her stuff came to over 300 hundred dollars. And Mom and I bought stuff so if we were there for their money we must really be stupid!! I'm very insulted by Walmart being treated like a criminal when they let the real thief get away with what they did! But I'm not finished yet I'm writing head office to inform them of this. Christmas is coming are they going to let this happen to some other innocent person? I don't think so not if I can help it!

So anywho this has been another adventure in the life of Cherlee! Sending many hugs and much love your way
~Cherlee~

Happy Halloween From Nana & Her Sweet little Chili Pepper!

2007-10-31T12:25:00.000-04:00

Here's a little Halloween Shout Out From My Sweet Little Chili Pepper!! BOO

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

2007-10-29T19:54:00.000-04:00

From our home to yours!

A very quick note

2007-10-24T11:44:00.000-04:00

Well this is going to be a very quick note. Mel is home from the hospital and all went well. Ty and I had a great time but he missed his mommy terribly. Nana and Daddy didn't cut it but we made it through. Well gotta run will be writing more soon and checking out your blogs very soon. Sending love and many hugs your way!
~Cherlee~

Update on Mel

2007-10-19T07:24:00.000-04:00

Well they finally admitted her to the hospital late yesterday afternoon. They will be operating on her for gallstones. They would of done it yesterday but a stone seem to make it's way to her pancreas and it's swollen and they won't do any removing of anything until it has passed through. Also they may of found something else they are waiting for the cat scan results. She's resting nicely from what I know I did go see her last night. But I want to call at this moment but it's to early.

Well once I know more I will update again. I am freaking out I just want her to get better.

Sending much love and hugs your way
~♥Cherlee♥~

Mel has a big Ouchie!

2007-10-18T01:57:00.000-04:00

For the last few days Mel has had this extreme pain in the stomach. I made her finally go the hospital last night. She hasn't eaten much because every time she does it comes up and she is bent over in pain. Mel isn't one that get sick to the point she's crying and bringing up things. She couldn't keep down a pill with a little bit of water. So they think it's either Gallbladder or Kidney stones. Not sure yet she's had test after test they know she has some kind of infection and they are treating that. She seen a surgeon
and she has to go for more test in the morning. She is finally getting some rest from some great pills they gave her today.

It's treating the pain for now the pain isn't as bad. Today when I made her go back because the meds they gave her the night before did Jack Chit the doc wanted to send her home and make them work before he looks into more until I told the ass that she can't even keep the stupid pills down. Then he realized she is really is sick. Doctors just push you through emergency these days and don't give a shit. Sorry your not pushing this mom out of the hospital when her baby is in pain. So he knew I wasn't leaving until I seen some result. So he was sending for test after test. Then he finally realized she needed something for pain duh! She's not faking asshole.

It was sorta funny my mom was with us so there was three generation of ladies that don't take crap loved it!! My mommy is small but mighty but I made sure my mommy didn't have to say a word I did all the talking. I didn't have to make a scene but I had to be stern. It's a long three days. But I have to head back to bed and get some more sleep I really haven't slept that much these days and the wrinkles are really showing hahah.

I will keep you posted about Mel. If there is alot of spelling mistakes sorry I don't have time to look it over way to tired! lol Sending love and many hugs your way
~♥Cherlee♥~

Hey there been awhile

2007-10-16T10:39:00.000-04:00

Well it's been awhile been so tired can't seem to get enough sleep. The hubby comes home he's on night shift hours so doesn't get to sleep until 6 or 7 in the morning. Then when he leaves the kids are on night shift to so they are up all hours. Sometimes it gets to much. My health is going down hill a bit but I told everyone things have to change and they agree but it's just getting it started again. To the norm I mean or is there such a thing?? lol

Well Baby Ty received a beautiful gift in the mail from a sweetie that some of you know. A beautiful handmade quilt from Ol' Lady! You can tell she work so hard on it. He received it last week and we've been showing everyone. And they love it just as much as us! This gift is special in so many ways. It is one of Ty most treasure gifts. This is the only gift with all of Ty's birth info. This has meant so much To Mel, Al and myself. I've have been trying to get a great pic with Ty and his newest treasure but every time I do he's sleeping! lol I want him awake for this so everyone can see how much he's grown and loves his quilt! I will keep trying I'm sure I'll get one in the next week. I just want to send out a huge THANK YOU AND YOUR A SWEETHEART! To Ol' Lady sorry I didn't put it up sooner but you mean the world to us. I just want to say I've found some great people in the blog world and We are a pretty lucky bunch. So I have to grab a few zzzzzzzzz. Have to get hubby ready he leaves at 6pm then I have two card readings at 7pm. Then after that who knows tehe.

Sending all my love♥
and many hugs your way!!
♥~Cherlee~♥

Finally I will show my pic!

2007-09-22T18:24:00.000-04:00

I hate my pic taken. I've hated it for years I have been every size and I can't stand to look at myself. But I guess I don't care because I have my beautiful grandson to thank for this one. Mel took the picture and I put it up on facebook and recieved a lot of nice comments. I noticed in this pic that I have a wonderful sparkle in my eyes and it's all due to that beautiful baby boy that I'm holding.

Being a Nana has sure put a smile on my face. So I guess I'm getting braver because my grandson brings the best out in me! I just can't get enough of him. He's 22 days old today and he's amazes me more everyday. Well I have to go study again. I'm having a heck of a time doing my exams but I have to get some quiet time then I know I will do ok. I got 87% on my first exam so I guess that a good thing.
Well sending many hugs and much love your way
Cherlee

I have been a loss for words!

2007-09-20T11:20:00.000-04:00

This is a clipping from the local paper.

(CANADA | NEW BRUNSWICK

4 Moncton car accident victims identified
Last Updated: Monday, September 10, 2007 | 1:38 PM AT
CBC News
RCMP have released the names of four boys killed in a car accident near Moncton, N.B., over the weekend, saying they don't believe alcohol was to blame for the crash.

Police say that around 8 p.m. Saturday, the four 16-year-olds were in car following another vehicle on Ammon Road. The car was attempting to pass the vehicle on a solid-line stretch of road and on a blind hill when it collided with a pickup truck coming the other way, carrying two people. The truck passengers survived with minor injuries, but the four boys died at the scene.

They've been identified as Jimmy Dunphy, Brandon Hupman, Corey Doucet and Jared Storey, all students at Harrison Trimble High School.

Sgt. Maurice Comeau said police are still investigating but they don't believe alcohol was a factor in the collision.

"The drivers are young, 16 years old. This would be their first year with their driver's licence, and we're pretty sure that probably experience played a role here, you know.")

This has been on my mind. It's shocking to see that 4 boys were taken away in a instant. The loss is overpowering. I didn't know these boy myself but I know some that do and it's such a tragedy. I have been reading the memories pages on facebook. I'm impressed at how many hearts these 4 angel faced boys touched. But there is one editor that writes for the Moncton times that touched my heart. I put his link up. Th link is called Brian Cormier's Blogtastic World! He wrote such a beautiful life lesson about this I cried and cried. And finally had a true understanding about life and death.

It has help me understand the way I have been feeling about Bruce's death. His death has really taken a toll on me. The loss of him has taken the breath out of me at times. It has been so overwhelming at times I can't speak and just want to be left alone. A song comes on the radio or a certain word can set me off. The loss of him has really been hard. And the only one that understands is Mel. I have talk to her a bit about but I haven't let it all out because she is grieving so much herself.

She broke down after she gave birth to Ty. When she realize her dad won't ever get to meet him. I just hug and kissed her but I didn't know how to make it better. I remembering saying to myself when Ty came out " Look it, Bruce he's beautiful. I bet your so proud of your daughter today! I wish you were here to tell her how much you love her and let her know that she did a wonderful job. And that your so proud to be Ty Granddad." But he wasn't there and I cried my silent tears later at home. But I felt guilty for feeling this way. But today when I read this man blog I understood why. Others may not get what I got out of it. But he made me understand things I truly didn't understand.

I know my daughter and I will get through this one. It may be a long road to travel but we have traveled long road before. We will get to the end of this road. Then travel a different one but with lighter steps. But at least we have each other. Just like those 4 boys a committee came together to heal and that is truly amazing!

Anywho on to another day. But this time I think I will breath a little better. I have a lot to be thankful for a beautiful daughter and cute, cuddly, adorable. beautiful grandson,family and wonderful friends that will get me through the day. So I'm sending each of you much love and many hugs to get you through it all!
Cherlee

Wow it's been awhile

2007-09-14T10:03:00.001-04:00

Once again it's been awhile since I wrote. Things around here are busy these days. But a great busy. Ty is going bigger everyday. I'm growing bigger everyday! lol Thought I'd throw that one in! tehe I have a desk full of work. In the mean time I decide to take a course online. It's a course I've wanted to do for 10 years. It called Astrology/Parapsychology. I though this will be so easy since I've been doing this for years right. WRONG! lol I haven't been doing exams and this type of things in years. I have dyslexia and once I read it I can't remember what the hell I just read as soon as I'm done. Thank god it's open book. This course is a course many people think is stupid or crazy to pay for. But this is what I do and love it.

I just want to learn more and maybe teach what I know. As some of you know I read the tarot, hands, ect. I also see stuff. Some say what a gifted other get creep out and avoid me. But that's ok. But sometime this gift can be such a curse. But it has help me many others in the long run. So I thought why not learn and understand some of this stuff I don't. Duh it's hard! But I know if I really sit down and take the time to say to myself I can do this. I can really get somewhere with this.

So cross your fingers for me I need all the luck I can get. lol Maybe once I learn all this I will help out all my online buddies with stuff.

Anywho gotta run once again. I gotta read, do wash, get hubby ready for work,go cuddle with my grand baby, read my Window Vista for Dummies that Melanie got me so I can learn this new computer better, make these T-shirts for my mom, and so much more. But I like busy keeps me out of trouble. I'm going to try to write in my blog more. I truly miss it and you guys. I also have more pics of course of my grand baby. I hope you guys don't get bored of them because he's my Angel Face!

Sending many hugs and much love all your ways!
Cherlee

The newest love of my life!!

2007-09-03T21:33:00.000-04:00

Ty finally made it! He was born Sept 1, 2007 weighting in at 8 pound 5 oz and 21 inches long! And he's just so beautiful. I love this little boy so much it takes my breath away! I just look at him and melt. I can't keep my eyes off of him. I never thought I could love anyone one as much as my daughter but I was wrong. Ty had to be put in ICU because he had a little poop before he came out of his mommy. This causes a lot of mucus and breathing problems. He is doing great now. It brings back the past for me because Ty mom did the same to me!! Mel was in the ICU for 3 days!

Mel really impressed me. She did such a great job. She was so tired and fed up that I thought she'd give up. But she didn't she kept her cool and I look at my daughter in another light now. It scares me because I have to really let her grow up now she's a mommy now! I also didn't think I could be even more proud of her as I've been but she also proved me wrong once again! lol She did take the drugs everyone suggested and I'm so jealous because if I only knew about them 21 years ago I wouldn't of had her without anything!!

So everyone is content at this moment and very tired so I will leave you with some pictures of Nana's boy! He is the newest love of my life! I also know that Bruce would of been so proud of her. I know he's looking down full of pride like the day she was born!

Sending many hugs and much love your way
Cherlee

The first 5 pics are of him with his mom and dad when he is 15 mins old. The nurse didn't clean him up to well. But I love them so much!

These are the next day in ICU looking great!

My New Computer

2007-08-30T09:05:00.001-04:00

Well I finally got my new computer and I'm setting it up slowly. Still learning everything. It's really neat. I'm finally have enough ram to do stuff with and a screen that is large enough so I can see it lol

No news on baby Tyson's arrival yet I'm still waiting for my grandbaby!! I really think he likes it in Mel's tummy. Well I have so much to say but not enough time right now. I will be posting pics ect very soon.
Sending many hugs and love your way
Cherlee

My toe has a ouchie!

2007-08-19T19:17:00.000-04:00

Well the other day I fell down the stairs! Duh leave it to me. I was rushing to get down the stairs to see what the kids where up to and BAM I miss three steps. This was the second time in two weeks that I've done that. I thought the dogs pushed me down the first time but soon realized my knee gave out. Slam Bam down I went. The first time twist my ankle and got over that in a day or two but this time I broke my big two. I will never learn I guess. lol I haven't been able to stay off of it much having a house full. But yesterday afternoon my brother and sisters left to go home. We all survived the two weeks except for my toe and ankle otherwise it went pretty good.

So I thought today it would be a quiet day so I can finally rest before hubby comes home. WRONG! People stopping in for this or that. The damn phone ringing off the hook. The dogs bark at the wind every 2 mins. Just when I thought I get at least an hour rest hubby comes home. At least he called and picked up something for supper. I only told him about my toe when he came home. He usely goes "Oh yah" like who cares for the last three years. And today it was " Awwww are you ok?" Wow it was nice to hear a nice thing come out of his mouth for once! lol Not that he says a lot of hateful things he just doesn't talk. He just ignores me. But it was nice for once.

Anyways I thought maybe I can get some rest after supper. Well I was wrong. I read some emails ect. Hubby took his shower jumped into bed so I figured fine I will get comfy and wait tv to. And Bam he falls a sleep and started snoring like there isn't a tomorrow! And he home for two weeks! Will I ever rest lol. I know I will but I have to vent because I'm so sore and tired at this moment. I have to rest I have a lot to do before the baby comes and Mel is due in 7 days! Will things every get done. I think not but most will I hope.

Anywho I hope all you are taking care of yourself. Oh please watch out for the stair Monsters they can creep up behind yah and down you go!lol Well that's what I want to believe!! I don't want to blame myself it's just not right!! Sending hugs and love your way!
Cherlee

Another day is Grand Central Station!! lol

2007-08-14T12:04:00.000-04:00

Wow time has been flying these days. I still have the kids until Saturday but almost a week and half has gone by. I still have so much to do these days but with three extra kids around it's sorta hard. But they are all teenager so it's a bit easier. Mel's friends have stopped in often to see how she is. It's a good thing it keeps her busy and happy. She's really miserable with only a few weeks to go. But we all know what's that like. lol. I still have things to do in the basement but it's looking really nice. Painted a nice soft green. The baby's room is a soft green also. So finally the old crappy basement is starting to look like a home! Not this old creepy damp dungeon. I put more carpet in patches on the floor so it gives it more warmth for the winter. I didn't want to spend to much on flooring because I want to put a nice sub floor in the near future. But all the carpet is a mismatch patch job. They are all new pieces but cut and tape. I think it kinda look different. I'm sorta into different if it means cheap for now. tehe

All the kids don't mind so what the heck as long as they are not walking on the basement floor who the hell cares! Well I don't they all know that. So life is going on in a strange and fast pace. What I mean by strange is I've been dealing with random people I haven't dealt with in awhile. It's just strange that people are dropping in from everywhere to even say hi to me. I hope the good is finally coming into my life. It would be a sweet change around here.

I also received a letter stating I was behind on a payment when I wasn't I'm fighting with the loan company about the payment. But for once I'm not stressing about it. I figure when Marc's starts his vacation on Sunday he can deal with it. It's his turn I'm tired I don't want to deal with that stuff for awhile. SO I'm Not! lol Wow that felt good.

Anyho you all invited to drop in this funny farm. There is always some animal or person trying to out beat the other in the game of life! Hope all is well with you. Sending Hugs and love your way
Cherlee

Mel has a blog!

2007-08-08T17:42:00.000-04:00

Well Mel has a blog finally. I'm impressed she really needs to get stuff out. These days she's keeping everything inside and that's not a good thing for her. Not with a baby due in 19 days! So if you want to wonder over and check out what she has to say I bet she'd love it. Leave a comment to she could use some really great people to put a smile on her face like you all do to mine! Her link is up there for all to see!

I'll be saying more soon. I have my younger siblings here for 2 weeks so I'm sorta busy. Then after that it's baby time. Time is flying these days.

Sending many hugs and love your way
Cherlee

Quick update

2007-08-01T08:08:00.001-04:00

Well I've been really busy this week getting the basement fixed up with Mel and Al. We've been getting the baby's room ready. Painting putting new carpet ect. Alan did so much for us. I'm am truly thankful for all he has done. Poor guy is over work with two women at him! But he loves the attention I'm sure! lol We also revamped the rec room so it's more their living room now. I love it we painted a real nice gentle green and white and wood trim. More carpet ect I really can't believe it the same place. Today have to do a small paint job then put more baby stuff together ect. Busy, Busy, Busy! Gotta run. Sending many hugs your way
Cherlee

Here's some picture of the shower!

2007-07-25T11:57:00.000-04:00

Here's some pics of the shower finally! I did have more put my computer crashed and I lost some of mine. But I did put them on facebook so I did get to save most. And some are from Melanie's camera. I didn't have to much time to take pictures I was so busy but I had the time of my life!! Sending many hugs all your way! Hope you enjoy.
Cherlee

The Bootie I made for all the sugar for the tables. I love these they were so simple to make!

The hall the light was coming through all the window but I find this pic really a amazing shot!

The hall the night before.

This is my cousin's Daughter Molly she's adorable and in the back ground you can see some of the planters my mom made to give away as gifts. I love the colors they are just as beautiful as Molly! lol

Mel holding Molly who was to shy to get her pic taken! And on the side is my other daughter from another mother Tasha! lol The flowers are a bit closer here.

Alan, Melanie opening gifts and Tasha writing stuff in the cards for them.

Here's my Tasha sitting pretty with my heart! tehe

Here's a pic of the hall the night before. On the tables you may notice picture frame with a picture in it. Tasha told me about. They have pictures of Tyson from UC Baby. Then around his picture you can write him a little comment. Melanie love them. Tyson can read what they wrote to him years later. I love it!

The table with the gifts for all the prizes!

Melanie, Alan and Tasha seats. Can you guess what chair is my baby girl's lol

The night before the table to put her gifts on. The next morning I had to set it up on the other side of the hall. Had to so I could make coffee and tea with out running up and down the stairs. Long story lol

The Hall the night before

It's a Boy Banner

Most of the gifts she recieved. Some she recieved before hand and they were at home. The gifts she recieved before hand were a crib and mattress from myself and her stepdad, Her dad sent her money for a dresser before he passed, Her grandmother got her a stroller and carseat set, Alan and Mel bought a change table, Her Auntie Vicki gave her $ 100 dollars and she bought all kinds of stuff for his room. Friend have gotten her cans of formula. She recieve lots of clothes. She has done really well. There are other things but I can't remember all I know is my basement is full lol

Melanie's 35 weeks today

2007-07-21T22:35:00.000-04:00

Melanie's 35 weeks today. Wow I'm starting to freak a bit lol! Sending many hugs away.
Cherlee

Baby shower went great!

2007-07-18T11:12:00.000-04:00

Well the baby shower went great. But what disappointed me the most was most of Mel's friends either told us a day before they couldn't make it or just didn't show. Mel said they are kids it's to be expected. I told Mel most of them are in there 20's not kids. The ones that are 18 and 19 showed up! She also said if I would of said free booze they'd be there. Don't think so! But I told her the most important people were there. We were suppose to have at least 60 people and counting me, Mel, Al, Tasha (My other daughter from another mother lol). I invited over 140 people 60 altogether said yes. But mostly family was there and it was only 28 or 31 if you count the kids! It was a great turn out but I made food for about 60 or 70 people lol! So I been giving alot away so my family happy. But it was a great day after all. I loved it. It was some hot in the hall but we all didn't melt so that's was a good thing! I will be posting pics soon! Sending many hugs all your way! I hope summer is treating you well!
Cherlee

Today they say goodbye

2007-07-07T08:29:00.001-04:00

To day Bruce's friends and family say goodbye to him one more time. They will be spreading his ashes in Joe's Gully. His favorite place to camp. He camped there since he was a baby.

Every time we'd go camping with his family they tell some great stories about all the great times they had. Bruce's face would light up every time someone would tell one.
Even if he heard it a thousand time he would hang onto every word. I love those time Bruce would look so content and at peace. If you went there now you wouldn't think it was this special place. But this place was a part of Bruce's sanity and it gave him some place to soul search and be at peace with himself. It was Bruce's Disneyland. This place was magical in it's own right. It may sound stupid to you but it brought out a Bruce that I truly loved to be around. Of course there were times when the magic faded and things weren't the greatest but most of the time I enjoyed being with Bruce at Joe's Gully.

He would become this little kid when he knew we were going down there. He would make sure he had everything he needed to relax and have a good time. He would always make sure he had all his fishing gear and beer ready! lol We always bought new lures to start off every camping trip. He always made it a true adventure sometimes the adventure was frustrating but a adventure never the less! lol

He was the one that really showed me how to fish and have Patience. We'd go out on his father's boat for hours and just fish. This is where we had some our greatest talks. He loved taking Melanie in the boat and showing her how to fish and all the places he would go to play like the the scary rapids (I hated when he took us even now I get a little shaky lol). He spend hours showing her all kinds of things and telling her stories of when he was a little kid. I love those time because Melanie would listen with all she had. Then she blast him with all this questions of wonder. I can still see the big smile on his face of pride when Melanie would ask "Dad you were little boy and you did this too?" He'd reply with his famous laugh "Yah Babe dad did those thing too."

He had always told me when he died that Joe's Gully is where he wanted to be. I would tell him only good died young and he'd live forever so we didn't have to worry about it. But if it made him feel better I would make sure it happened.

I remember one summer Mel, Bruce and I went up a week before everyone set up. So this one morning Bruce left me and Mel sleep in. To Bruce sleeping in was sleeping in until 7:00 am! lol So he woke me up about 9:00 am looking a bit freaked out. I asked what happen and he said he was out fishing in the lake when he felt a small tug on his line and he started to pull it up. But as he was pulling it up he started to feel real uneasy about what could be coming up. He said it pulled funny it didn't feel like a tug of a fish it felt like something was rocking on his line.

So he looked over the boat to see what it could be and all he saw was black and a little brown below in the water. So he got a bit brave and tugged a little harder on the line. He said he saw a branch then it look like some cloth or a shirt of something. This started to freak him out so he cut his line and lifted the anchor and came back to camp and woke me up. It freaked him out so much that I had to stay near him most of the day and reassure him that he did the right thing. That night it got so dark it freaked both of us out. Mel sleep like a baby and Bruce and I held onto each so tight because he got me freaking out from his fishing trip. What made this so much scarier we were both afraid of the dark! Bruce's fear was worse than mine. So we didn't help each other out much in that department lol! The next morning we took to laughing at how scared we were.

We decide that he should take Mel and I to the same place and see what would happen. So we set up in about the same place and throw in our lines and sat there for about an hour and I felt a tug on my line so I let him know. Then I told him it felt so heavy this made him freak out a bit. But he realize he had to keep his cool because Mel was with us and didn't want her as scared as he was. So I start to pull it up and I told him I'm starting to get freaked out because it wasn't pulling it felt like it was only bobbing. By this time I could see something and it look like a very large log but it had cloth on it also. I was sorta getting scared. The water was so dark you couldn't really see much but a dark thing in the water then I saw something white. Then I got scared and looked at Bruce. He looked over the boat then said "FU$% this we are out of here" and cut my line. And I wasn't sure what was on my line So we went back to camp and we didn't talk about for awhile then I started to laugh and laugh a nerves laugh. Bruce sorta figure what I was laughing at and joined it and Mel not having a clue why her parents were acting strange started to laugh with us. It was a great week then family came down and we finished up our vacation with family and had a great few weeks.

I'm thankful I know the place that is Bruce's final resting place because when our grandson is old enough I wanna take him there. Take him to the place that his grandfather loved. I know that Bruce will be so proud of his grandchild and be so pleased that he made it to the place that Bruce felt at ease at . Mel has been so unhappy because she wanted to be there when they spread her father's ashes. But as you know she's to pregnant. I keep telling her that her father would understand but those are just word right now. It doesn't bring any comfort to her. But I know in time she will not beat herself up for it. I told her, her dad's with her now and that's all that counts. He's in her heart, her face and her soul and that's all that matters. And I will in time tell her more great stories of Joe's Gully. I think she remember Joe's Gully but I don't want to push her to remember them now. She dealing with to much. But in time we will sit down and talk about that wonderful place down the hill with the high rocks around it. I even have a wonderful memory of climbing the rocks the very first time I went there with Bruce when we first dated. It's my very own memory and I will cherish that forever. Bruce and I had our hard time but we had some really great times to. I have never regretted them. I get angry at all the things I allow to happen but the only one I should be angry at is myself for allowing them.

So I guess with this I will just say my own Goodbye to Bruce one more time. But this time I'm not crying I'm smiling knowing that Bruce is where he wants to be. He's finally where he always felt safe and happy. He's finally apart of Joe's Gully. He's apart of the wind, water, the land. He's at peace and that's all I ever wanted when I was with him. And he's finally get's that. I just wish it didnt' have to happen so soon but I know deep in my heart this is what Bruce wanted.

Goodbye Bruce Love you Always
Cherlee

Melanie wrote a poem for her dad

2007-07-04T16:14:00.000-04:00

This is a poem that Melanie just wrote about her dad. It really made me cry but I though I'd share it with you because I think it's beautiful. She missing him so much. And yet I can't stop missing him either.

Always in my heart

In Loving Memory of Bruce Allan Collin

The thought of you crosses my mind everyday.
The hurt I feel just won’t go away.
I want the hurting to stop it’s too much pain.
Pain I know that will never go away.
I want to hear your laugh, I ask and I pray.
But sadly I know your laughter will fade.
♥
As I hold your pictures in my hands I yell and I scream.
“I just want my Dad to please come back to me!”
“I love you as big as the whole wide world, everything’s okay”
That’s all I want in the world, just to hear you say.
♥
I wish there was a way I could see you one last time,
tell you how much I missed you and how time has flied.
But it’s too late for sorrow and to regret on passed times.
I’m sure me loving you was more than just fine.
♥
I hope you’re watching over the family and me,
Especially Tyson your grandson to be.
I wanted you to meet him for the very first time,
But I guess you’ll have to see him from the other side.
I know he would love you and be proud of you dad.
I’ll make sure he knows about you,
And all the fun that we had.
♥
We had our rough spots through the years as I grew,
but no matter what happened I always loved you.
You where there for me when I needed to talk.
And I thank you for that it means a lot.
I miss the phone calls, the letter and visits.
But at least I have lots of memories to cherish.
♥
My love for you will never change dad.
It will stay the same and therefore I’m glad.
I’m glad because when I look up above,
I have an angel looking over me and I know I am loved.

By: Melanie
July 3rd 2007

Sending many hugs and ♥ your way..... Cherlee

Ion Foot Cleanse

2007-07-03T07:07:00.000-04:00

Well I have been getting an Ion Footbath Cleanes. It suppose to rid your body of all the toxin in it. To make you feel better and healthier. Well let me tell yeah it's gross the stuff that comes out of your pores of your feet. The Doc Melissa that does it amazes me every time I go. I'm still waiting to feel great but I'm told it may take a few more session. I'm going for my 4Th one tonight. I'm leaving a few pics of me sessions with you. It is gross looking but it's getting all the crap that is in my system out. And that's a wonderful thing. I'm tired after I have. And the next day I drag my ass because it's working away. But once that tiredness goes away I'm a Duracell bunny. I have gotten so much done that I've put off for a long time. I've been feeling lousy for a long time. So this is a change for me. I will put more information about this treatment soon. My husband work health plan pays for it so it's not coming out of my pocket for once. The session last only 30 Min's. I thought that is a long time but it went by so fast each time I'm totally amazed that it's over and I'm still wanting more!! lol Hmmmm only a woman can say that!! lmao!

Anywho enjoy the pics! Don't get to grossed out by them. Remember you have that crap floating around your body too!! What a thought right!! lol Sending many hugs and love your way!

See nothing scary just a round tub with with plastic guards and what in it. The black thing in the water is the part of the machine that has the magnet in it to draw out all the bad stuff in my body! These pics are from my second session I'm doing the forth tonight

The brain of the operation.

5 Min into the session

10 Min's in and you can see the waters getting darker

15 Min's into

20 Min's and it's getting really gross

My preggo photographer Mel! She was amazed and grossed out at the same time! Don't know how she got down there cause she so preggo but she got up off the floor on her own! That's the amazing part!! lmfao

25 Min's into it and now it's really gross you almost can't see to the bottom

30 Min's into and I'm done! It's amazing because all that she put in was water is a few grains of sea salt to neutralize the water. The black thing did the rest!!

Ewwwwwwwww And the finished product. Omg that was floating around in my body grosssss! I shouldn't show you guys you probably won't wanna know me cause I'm full of swamp slugs!! ahhhhhhh!! lol I hope not at least I'm getting it out! That time I notice a slight odor but nothing bad coming from the water. But I've did it after that and nothing. So it's really amazing. If I do say so myself. I'm going tonight. My lovely preggo assistant is going to be taking the pics once again! So I might put them up tonight! lol

2007-06-30T23:31:00.000-04:00

Happy Canada Day everyone one!!

Sending hugs and love all your way!
Cherlee

Well she found out!

2007-06-23T21:19:00.000-04:00

Let's just say I knew in my heart this would happen. I kept trying to plan a baby shower for Mel. Every time I had a date in mind. Someone had something to do that weekend and couldn't make it. So once I did find a date I decided to rent the hall up the street from me since it would be easier to have it there since I don't have to worry about where I was going to put people and they have the chairs and tables that would help me out. So I call the woman up the street from me that I know to book the hall. I was so excited because Mel knew she was having a shower but didn't know when or were. She keep saying "Mom where are you going to put people if you invited them here at home?". Or "Mom, is there enough room for my friends to come?"

But Al almost spoiled the fact that I was going to rent the hall before I booked it. Because he was on the phone with his mom and said the shower wasn't going to be at home it was probably going to be somewhere else. And of course Mel was sitting right there!! By this time Mel was going to ask what's going on with this confused look on her face. lol
So I yelled out of course it's going to be here where else would I have. He caught on to what I was saying and told his mother the same. Phew dodged another bullet lol

So I finally said July 15 was the only day a day before her 21 birthday. So the day I booked it the woman said that she had to contact the once in charge and that she would get back to me right away to let me know but she didn't see a problem with that date because there didn't seem to be anything book for that Sunday. I said great I gave her mom's number and my home phone number even though she knew both but I wanted her to call me right back because I was so excited about this I wanted to know for sure that I had it.

Well I stood by the phone for about 20 mins then I got really busy at work and I never heard the phone ring in about hour. So I called home to make sure she didn't call me there and leave a message so I talk to Al he told me that there wasn't a message on the answering machine so I was glad. I let him know the date so he could tell his family that night.

Then I got busy at work again. So off I went helping people with their question on plants and what to buy and people wanted to buy some antiques since my parents sell those also. Then about 2 hours later I notice three women come in and I knew two of them. I was to busy to notice the third.

The lady I knew had ask me a question for another lady so I asked her where she was and she told me her name and then it hit me it was the lady that rents the hall to everyone. So I ran over asked her if my friend had called her about the hall and she said yes I got it! I was like a kid that just won a prize at a fair ground! lol I think I squealed a bit and thank her over and over again lol.

With everything that been going on in our lives to hear some good news was a wonderful relief. So I call Al again to confirm. I started to tell my family about it and I was planning all sorts of stuff for Mel's shower. Then I got this idea why not have a Co-ed shower since Al mention he'd like to be there with her and I to help out. And Mel has some close male friends too. So I thought why not it would be great to have some help. Also Mel and I being shy in crowds and Al not it would help me out a lot. Also Mel's best friend Tasha was also not a shy bunny I was so much more at ease with the two helping me out. So that day at work I was happy because I had something to think about beside Bruce's being gone and worrying about Mel so much.

Then my mom needed a babysitter for her three foster children that night because they had an auction to go to. So I called Mel and she said yes. So she was there at work a hour early and we just talked about stuff then I went home with a huge smile and a big secret from Mel.

I was home for about two hours when Mel called me upset and she said " I'm so sorry mom, Grammy's answering machine was beeping and it was driving me nuts. So I went and push play and then I heard your name so I thought I better get the message for you. That's when I heard Denise say that the hall is confirmed for Mel's baby shower!"

I just sat back in my chair disappointed and didn't say a word while Mel kept saying she was sorry. I finally answer her and just said Mel I have to let you go. She asked if I was mad at her I told her no but I was so disappointed with the whole thing. I never thought that I would of took it so hard. But I did I was looking forward to Mel being happy and surprise for the first time in a long time.

So once I came out of the shock I sat back and decided that so what Mel knows the date she doesn't have to know who's coming what we are doing for her ect. So while Mel was babysitting Tasha came over because she knew I was upset and she got me back in the mood of planning. So to make this long story short not!! lol I'm still happily planning her and Al baby shower in between the skank thing. So there is a ray of sunshine still peeking through the clouds so not all is bad! lol

Sending many hugs and love your way
Cherlee

Skank from Hell Strikes again

2007-06-20T23:47:00.000-04:00

Well this time she sent Mel a nasty letter about all Mel wanted was her dad's money. Ect. Then she she was online MSN and part of her name was "MEL is still after your money that sick." This made Mel freak out more. So she wrote her and asked her why she was saying this and The skank replied because Mel went behind her back and called the funeral home ect. Well like I said before why the hell is she so mad she was the one that lied to Mel about telling her she didn't hear nothing from them. Then she proceed to tell Mel that her dad's Family knows about this and they don't like her anymore because she's greedy!

I told Mel if that's the way her family feels that they would take a woman who was in her father's life for over 4 years over her. Then they weren't any better than the skank. I know this will be sad for Mel if they disown her but it's for the best if they want to treat her like the skank is. I can't see all of them doing. But if they do they will miss out on Bruce's bloodline that will continue through Mel and her children. This is just sick all this shit! The money isn't what Mel wants she wants her father back. She cries about this everyday. If Mel could have her father back it means more than all the money in the world. Why is skank making about the money. Geez Mel doesn't even have it. But that's not going to happen so she just wants to get all this over with. If Bruce wanted this woman to have his policy why and hell was Mel's name on it. If it was meant for her. Because it was for his daughter's future not for the skank to go on and find another man and have a life. And she will move on like others before her. And Mel still won't have her dad.

Mel is really freaking out she's been crying over her dad's death everyday since it happened. Who the Hell does this skank think she is telling my daughter she only wanted his money. And that she didn't care about him. Funny thing is Bruce called mostly when the skank wasn't home and he would say it's was really quiet when she wasn't there. She didn't even know our phone number because Bruce had it memorized duhhhhhh! So does this sound like someone that has a clue about stuff. She has no clue about what kind of relationship Mel and Bruce had because he said it was so much easier when the skank wasn't around.

Also she told my daughter she was taking me to court because I was defrauding the government because I receive child support for my daughter when she was in school. She claimed my daughter wasn't. Well she can do what she wants I have been in contact with Child Support over the years and I have all the legal paper I need to prove that Mel was in School so whatever! Does she really know what defrauding the government means. The freaking money I received was from Bruce not the government. They just made sure he paid his support duhhhh! He paid his support the goverment didn't pay me. She said she spoke to her lawyer about this. Well if there is such a person her lawyer must be a freaking dumb ass because the only one that can say I defrauded him was Bruce. And sadly he's gone. He'd be so upset with the way she acting.

She told Mel that she will be speaking to me from Jail. What a cold hearted bitch she is. First she telling my 7 month pregnant daughter that Mel didn't love her father and all she did was use him and then she tells her, her mom's going to Jail and that she will lose me to Jail. So Mel will have no one!!! WTF is wrong with this bitch. So who has the problem. If my daughter ends up having problems with the baby she will see what I can do. I will not tolerate this bullshit. She wants to play with fire I can play the game. I will protect my daughter with all I have. She wants to deal with this I have a lawyer ready he has been informed of everything that has been going on this is harassment big time and it's affecting my daughter's health. She better back off.

There is so much I could tell her to piss her off like him cheating on her but Bruce told me in confidence. And what would it do make her crazier saying I'm lying and cause more problems for Mel it's not worth it. Funny thing was I didn't care for her as some as you know from my other post. But when Bruce died my heart went out to her. But when she lied and pulled shit I don't have a shred of sympathy for that wasted space!

So on to another day. It just never ends

Anywho sending hugs and love your way!

The ex 's Shank!

2007-06-15T09:10:00.000-04:00

Melanie I were talking the other day and she wanted to get this insurance policy she entitled to from her father's work out of the way. It's not a big policy but she and I figure she's having a hard enough time dealing with her dad's death let's get this over with so she doesn't have to be reminded each time the subject comes up. And she doesn't want to deal with this when her son is born. She wants to enjoy her son. Not go over her dad's death over and over again. Poor thing she's having such a hard time with this and I'm really worried because she in the 7 month and this is the danger zone!!

I have to say this before I continue about what's entitled to her. Mel has been so upset with the fact that all she receive was my and Bruce's picture. She wanted something of her dad's. I thought this was awful she didn't receive anything. So I told her ask the skank for a something small of her dad's she has a right to it. Well she asked the skank for a bandanna since he wore them all the time and had a few. Mel explained that she would like something of her dad's anything even if it's a shirt. The skank replys to my daughter " There's nothing left".

WTF was she talking about there's nothing left!!! This was a week after the funeral! She gave a person she claim was his best friend that I never heard of and I knew Bruce for over 23 years and never heard of this man. I understand she gave his family stuff. But to someone that will move on a throw it away in time. Fucking Bitch this pissed me right off because Melanie hasn't stop crying since she asked! She wasn't asking for anything of money value but sentimental value only and she can't give her anything. Who the hell does this skank think she is. She will move on and find another man. But Mel will never have another father. She wanted something to give to her son when he was old enough to understand. I'm so angry with this bitch right now. She is so lucky I don't live there because I would take Melanie over there and get her something of her father's. There is no will and Melanie is entitled to everything of her father's. The skank wasn't married to him. DUH. But we have other plan's with her. If she doesn't give Mel what she needs. We already talk to a lawyer about this. We don't wanna go that root because we want this over and go on with our lives. But at least we know we have other opinions.

When Mel was down there for the funeral The skank asked Mel for her social insurance number and the phone number and Address. Because she was dealing with the insurance. But the funny thing is my daughter is 20 and it's Mel's insurance policy!

First of all I didn't want the Skank having my daughter SIN number but Melanie gave it to her anyways. I don't trust this woman!! But my daughter figure just give it to her she wouldn't do anything to her. Then I thought it was funny that she didn't have our phone number because Bruce Melanie's dad called all the time. I thought this was strange that this woman didn't know our number. Hmmmmmmm So I asked Melanie and she told me that her dad knew our number off by heart and didn't put it in the memory of his phone and never told the skank our number. This will always be a mystery to me! But it tells me alot!

The skank told Melanie that she hasn't heard anything from the insurance company. I thought this was strange because I was told that you have to talk to the insurance company right away so they can get things done. I told my daughter why does she have to be involved with your insurance policy it has nothing to do with her. She has no right to it. She has only been in his life for over 4 years Also I always promised Bruce no matter who he was with to help Mel get what is rightfully her's. Funny I'm still mad at Bruce because even though he's gone I'm still fighting with shit due to him!! But on the other hand I miss him terribly. Go figure.

So anyways I get Melanie to call her dad's work to ask them if they need any more information since The skank hasn't heard anything from the his work. Well Mel calls and the first thing they tell is " We have been waiting for your call. Since your dad's funeral!!!!"

I say WTF is going on. So the girl at her father's work gives her the number she has to call about the insurance policy. And that girl says the same thing. And what got to me the most both of these people tell us that the Skank has keep in contact with them and talk to them about stuff. Also the skank wanted to know who name the insurance policy was in and guess what they couldn't tell her the name due to privacy laws. But for her to make sure his daughter calls they needed her info.

Well first of all she had all of Mel's info and never gave it to them. And she still has it. What the hell is she doing going to pretend that she's Mel later or what. The woman also was surprised we lived in in New Brunswick not in Ontario because she thought we lived in the same town as her father. That's what she got off the skank! What was she trying to do make Mel look bad!

The women were thankful she called. They also told her that the skank has nothing to do with Mel's insurance policy! So why is she trying to get involved. By this time Mel is shocked and in tears that the skank would do this to her. She so angry now and upset I was over the top. So I started to do some calling by this time. They inform us that we need a death certificate and then the paper work will be started and that they will send her all the paper she has to sign and they will deal with all the rest. So I said great but how do I get this paper they wanted. She told me to call the funeral home that's where it's at and get two from them. Ok fine I call and they told me I couldn't get any. Mel was not next of kin the skank was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMGGGGGGGGGG I said my daughter didn't want to talk to the skank now because of all the lies that she told. So this poor woman tried to call the skank and asked. And the bitch refused! She was angry that Mel went behind her back. WTF went behind her back she has nothing to do with Mel stuff!! AND who the F#$% lied!

Mel couldn't call her she was so hurt and spent that I asked my mother if she could call. By this time I was blowing a fuse. I was thinking she can do what the hell to me but she hurt my daughter and I won't have any control over what I say or do on the phone. So I decided the best thing to do is get my mom to call. Also we needed someone calm to do this so she said yes. Mom loves stuff like this. lol

Well my mom called and the skank freaked on her by saying Who the hell was she to go behind her back! First of all this is Mel business not her's and Mel isn't her daughter she's mine. And Mel is an adult not a child! Then she says in her ranting and raving she says " I'm not ready yet" WTF ready for what this has nothing to do with her. This is about Mel not her! There were 5 of us sitting around the table and all we could hear is my mother say in a calm cool voice " Excuse me darling that is my granddaughter your talking about" And my mother repeated this a few times. And tried to talk and she keep going about Mel going behind her back. Then skanky hung up on my mom and my mother never freaked or insulted her I was thankful it was mom instead of me. After skanky hung up I asked what she was saying about Mel and my mom just said it's not something I want to repeat. You are better not knowing. Then she said " I see what you mean about her"

It's has always been about the skank since I've know her I've know her for years. As some of you know. And she the type it's all about poor skanky. Well she isn't the only one that's hurting. His daughter and family and friends are. I know I'm lost I was with that man for over 12 years and always talk to him even though it wasn't pretty all the time lol But we always loved each other. Well enough of that.

Mel was worried about what her family thought down there. I told her I can't see it. But I told her this has to do with the skank not them. If they knew what she was doing they would understand. And if they took the skanks side well then they lose out because Mel is the only connecting to Bruce. It's his blood that is flowing in Mel's veins not The Monkey Face Skank.
Omg my poor baby is going through hell and it breaks my heart. When will this shit end. I told Mel skanky will go on with her life and find someone else. So once this is over she doesn't have to deal with her again. Mel owes her nothing but skanky owes Mel right now and she doesn't even realize it.

Now skanky says she won't ever find another soul mate. But she bragging about her ex's father wanting her ex and her to get back together and she say's that's not going to happen but she spending time with her ex's family. And why the hell is she telling Mel this? Mel never asked her anything about that. But that's another thing.

I told Mel "You don't need to hear that shit!" Yeah skanky everyone wants yeah. Gross!

Anywho Mel wrote skanky a great letter it was very well said. It wasn't rude or insulting. I'm very proud of what she wrote. It brought a tear to my eye because it let me know how fast she grew up and how proud of her that she becoming a wonderful and beautiful woman. She is truly amazing! I love you so much Mel. I'm here for you!

Sending Hugs and Love all of your ways!
Cherlee

Many things have gone on! Whoa is all I can say!

2007-06-11T22:53:00.000-04:00

Well since I last wrote I have seen my grandson. Still in his mommy's belly mind you! lol. He didn't want his picture taken he was not liking this done at all. He kept hidding his cute little face! These pics aren't as good as seeing it for yourself. It was a truly amazing experience. I was thankful I got to see it with my own eyes! Here are some pics of my baby! tehe

This one is a side view of his precious face.

This is his beautiful foot. It was already 5 centimeters when we this pic was taken!
When I saw his feet I saw his grandfather's feet. Mel thought the same thing. She said "Mom, his feet looks like mine and dad's feet. So he already has something of his granddad's. Bruce would of love this.

Side Veiw again. He wanted to sleep and we wanted to adore him. And we did!

He started to look our way but he was still sleeping. At least we saw his little face for about a minute until he covered his face with his hands again.

Well that's my baby. There were other pics but it seems they are hard to see. But if you look at the true pic you know how he's posing. Well that's it for now I've been working alot so I'm so tired. I have so much more to say but I have to go to bed and go to work in the morning. So I will be back to write more very soon!

Sending many hugs and Much Love your way!
Cherlee

I'm Lost

2007-05-28T17:31:00.000-04:00

All I can say for now is that I feel like a lost soul. With all that has happen in my life in the last 3 years hasn't been easy on me. Watching everything fall apart at the seams really can get to someone. I've been really doing some soul searching about what I can do to change stuff but it makes me so tired and sad I just give up. I know I'm so emotionally spent not sure if I can get it back to the way it was.

My memory from the stress has gone I can't remember a min ago. It is really starting to get to me. I repeat myself because I forgot that I told someone something. My hair has fallen out so much you see my scalp. I need a wig. I'm so tired of it all. I really need to get away for a bit. But I know it will just make things worse. I can't run from. I have to go through every feeling with my heart and soul.

But I'm just whining right now. Mel is trying to get through all of this too. I'm there for my girl doesn't matter what mood I'm in. I just hope good things will start coming our way soon. Man I sound like a Selfish whiner. But I have to get this out. I'm so tired of doing this alone. I'm truly thankful Mel has Al to lean on.

Going through the motions alone can really take a toll on a person. Somedays I wish that my husband would notice this but hey one day I will find what I'm looking for. Anyways we are getting through this one day at a time. There were some good things that happened but I need to get through this mood to tell them. So please don't feel sorry for me. I'm just thankful your just there to listen to me. I may not make sense but it's wonderful to know that I have some great blogger friends that care about what Mel and I think and do. I will be catching up on all your blogs this week. I've been so busy with work and other stuff I'm just to tired right now.

Sending so many hugs and love your way!!
Cherlee

Thanks you

2007-05-24T22:12:00.000-04:00

This is a quick note to let you know that we are getting through it.
Mel and I want to thank you for your support through our hard time. It's helping us knowing that we have wonderful people that care. I'll be back soon to tell you more. Once again Mel and I send you our love and many hugs to each you. Thanks for being there. Just knowing that your there has made this much easier!
Love
Cheryl & Melanie

This is Dedicated To Bruce
Love Cheryl & Melanie

If Tears Could Build A Stairway

If tears could build a stairway
And memories were a lane
We would walk right up to Heaven
And bring you back again
No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before we knew it
And only God knows why
Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No on will ever know
But know we know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store
Since you’ll never be forgotten
We pledge to you today
A hallowed place within our hearts
Is where you’ll always stay
Author Unknown

The sad news about my Ex

2007-05-21T11:22:00.000-04:00

OMG I feel so numb right now and not sure how to write this. The tears have been flowing since I heard the news. My Ex died of a heart attack late Saturday night. He was only 44 years old! My poor daughter is so devastated right now. She's almost 7 months pregnant now and I'm so worried about her. We aren't sure if she could go by plane to the funeral. And today being a holiday we can't seem to find any answers. But we will have to find out tomorrow I guess. Her best friend Tash really show how much of a Best friend she is. As soon as she found out she came rushing over with a lot of love & support for Mel and I. Also she had saved up all these air miles point to take a trip somewhere and she is giving them to Mel and Al so they can go so we don't have to worry about finding money to send her to Ontario for the funeral. Of course this made us cry even more. I just want to thank you Tash for being you and that I love my second daughter so much!

All of Melanie's friends have been so supportive. I'm going through so many emotions right now I don't know what the hell I'm doing. It's hard to say goodbye to someone you've know for 23 years and that you loved at one time so much you thought your heart would split open and never close up again. He was the first man I let into my heart and soul. But I took that back years ago but I know I left a little behind because I ache inside knowing I won't hear his voice calling to either complain or say hi. Silly I know because he made me so mad most of the time. The last couple of years that we were together were the worse for us. But now all is just petty since he's gone.

He was the only man that I had a child with. He gave me the one best thing of himself without ever realizing it and it is Mel. I'm so thankful for that. Mel is his only child and I feel sad about that because she doesn't have a sibling to comfort her but she has me and her family to get her through.

I'm also so mad and I'm not sure if I have a right to be. But I feel he didn't have to do this right now. Sound so silly but I'm so fu@#$% mad at him putting Mel through this when she is going to have her son in a few months. To see her hurting and have to force to eat for the baby sake and see her go through the motion of loosing a parent is pure hell for her. I ache for her so bad but I have to let her get through this so she can heal. I'm so mad that he can do this. He always had a way of getting people upset before a big event. And this is his last and his best. I know I sound selfish right now but I don't know how to make it better for Mel. I wish I could make it all better like I did before when her father would cause a tide wave of hurt for her. I would hug her tell I love and go do something fun with her. Tell her that things will get better and your dad will realize what he did. I would make it all better but this one is the ultimate one that I don't know how to fix right now. I know give her the love and support I'm doing that. But to see your baby fall apart and know that she will never have the dad that she always dream of now because there isn't a second chance for that now. He's gone! Is to much to bear at the moment.

I know I have to let the emotion flow but I hate them. I've lost many love one so I've been through all these emotion time and time again. I'm used to them but to see your child go through it as hard as she is one of the worst thing you can see them go through. The worst part is I feel so helpless right now. I feel she deserves better than what she has been dealt in life and it's not FU@#$% fair!!!

The emotion that I've been through in the last day are all so surreal. Loss, Guilty, Anger, Numb, Shocked, Scared, Wonder, Love, Hurt can be so overpowering. But I know we will get through this one but I wish we didn't have to. She is only 20 right now I hope she can grow from this. I truly hope this makes her stronger. Even through the years when her dad would make me mad or her mad. I always let her know that he loved her more than she will ever know. That's one thing I was always sure of. That man didn't really know how to show love but in his own way his daughter was number one.

It's funny as you sit thinking about the last few months of some one's life there were so many sign's that he was leaving us but I didn't want to see them. The last great talk I had with him was about 3 1/2 weeks ago. He called Mel to talk and he was a in a great mood. He asked her if I was there and I usely tell her no this time I didn't. We had a great talk about old time, things that we did and how sorry he was for screwing up our relationship. That if he could do it all over again he would of done it differently and that he always loved me. I told him funny how life is because he was getting married in July and he said he never get married. I remember him saying I'm never getting married I'd die first. I mention this. And he said "Well married is the only thing I didn't try and you have. I know we were suppose to get married many time but it didn't happen. But I think it's time to grow up. I said " Your crazy" and we both laughed. Then he said that he will probably never see his grandchild. and I told him of course you will when the baby gets older Mel and Al had been talking about visiting he was really happy about that. Then in a very small voice and said " But Cher will I live that long!". I said of course you will you ass! Then we laughed and talked about other stuff for a bit more then he told me he loved me take care and I handed the phone over to Mel.

The last time I heard his voice was on the answering machine on Mother's Day. The first time in years he called me to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. This is strange because he always called on or before my birthday but Mother's Day he didn't always call and I didn't expect him to. But this year he called and sound so happy! You know I'm truly thankful for that last phone call from him. He said goodbye in his own way. And he and I had mended some fence and I felt like I forgave him finally. When I received the last message from him I said in my head "Bruce you can go on with your life and be happy now." Then I forgot about it until I receive the call from my daughter yesterday at work telling me he was gone.

Wow is all I could end this with. I talk and I feel a bit better. I hope everyone is well and that the sun finally come out and brings a smile to all of your wonderful faces. Sending Much Love and Hugs To all of you! And want to let you all know you all mean the world to me! Thanks you
Cherlee

PS. This is to Bruce, Please watch over our daughter and grandson from up there! I know your with our first child please give him a hug , Granny and your Grandfather, Your sister, Vilho, Toby, Barry, Ralph, Johnny Cash one of your favorite singer. I bet your singing the song but change it a bit " I'm 44 and I don't mind dying!. With Johnny and I bet your the happiest you've ever been. I can imagine the hug smile you would have and your laughing that laugh that would get everyone laughing.I hope your having the time of your life with all the ones you love. The struggle is finally over and peace is your to find. Love you Cheryl and Mel

SNOW???

2007-05-17T12:14:00.000-04:00

WTF we have snow on the ground and it's cold and raining or snowing. This is so crazy I got a snow day from work since no one comes out to buy plants when it's so cold and miserable out. This totally sucks since I have such expensise coming up getting ready for my grandson or for myself. Well I've ranted enough.

Anywho if your in my area and want find a little heaven. A wonderful place with warmth and beautiful flowers come on down To Audrey's Greenhouse we love to have yah!!

Send much love and hugs your way
Cherlee

PS. Here's a few pics of what brings a smile to my face every morning that I work. There are much more flowers but here's a few pics for yah Enjoy!!

Happy Mother's Day I know I'm a day late! lol

2007-05-14T14:04:00.000-04:00

I recieved this in a email from my Aunt I thought I'd put it here I think it's goes with the theme!

Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom - I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, The joy, The love, The heartache, The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.
And before I was a Grandma, I didn't know that all those "Mom" feelings more than doubled when you see that little bundle being held by "your baby".

Working

2007-05-09T02:29:00.000-04:00

Well back to work and feeling it!! lol I'm sore as hell but trying to get back into shape. Wonder if that will happen for me hoping anyways. My daughter got me to sign up to facebook awhile back and getting in contact with some of my family that lives elsewhere. It's really great but haven't had enough time to talk to them. But glad that I could anytime I want now. Anybody with facebook add me I'd love to add you just let me know. Time seems to be going by fast these days I have so much to do but not enough money to do it with. Oh well I always know that things do work out in the long run. I have to keep saying that to myself so I don't stress!

Starting to think about making Mel a babyshower in a few months. I haven't made one of those for anyone in about 17 years. I have a lot of her friends to contact. I never realized that she had so many friends. I always said my Mel was a social butterfly! And I'm finding out how social she was tehe. Al and I are going to start on the room downstairs in awhile to get it ready for the baby. There is so much to get done but you know what I'm sorta glad that I have so much to do because I have been stuck in a rut for so long that the weight I gain is just sitting on me and making me lazy. So with getting things ready for baby is getting me off my fat ass and on the move.

Anywho I have to head to bed gotta work in 7 hours so I better get some sleep. If your looking for me I'll be knee deep in mud, flowers and seeds. So give a yell I'll come running looking the like the swamp monster from hel! But I'll be happy to see yah!!

Send much Love And Hugs your way!!
Cherlee

She's having a Boy!!!!!

2007-05-03T22:21:00.000-04:00

Well for the last while I've been keeping to myself. Well I guess you've noticed! lol Then something exciting happened I found out Melanie is having a boy!!!!! I'm going to have a grandson. I can't wait. Yippee!!

The problem with my stomach is still going on so I have to go back to the doc again for some test. I'm also back to work this week. Thank God because I was getting really stuck in depressed mode and I didn't want to come out. I don't know what the hell is going on but things seem to get harder and harder for me these days. But I am looking into it. Thanks you so much Ol'Lady for letting me know your still there for me. It really means a lot. When I read it today it put a smile on my face. I surely needed that. I'm just not feeling right these days. But I'm taking care of it.

Anywho I will update more now that I'm getting back into a routine. I truly needed that. There are so many wonderful things coming my way I want to be in tip top shape for them. So if you see a chubby blonde lady trying to run up and down your street and you see that she needs a push. Make sure you give her one cause it will probably be me in need of some help!! lol
Sending Much Love and Hugs Your Way
Cherlee

Doc not sure!

2007-04-23T09:35:00.000-04:00

Well the doc isn't sure what's wrong. He gave me some pills to try. My stomach doesn't hurt as much but I've been on them for over a week and my stomach is still hard. Like I told the Doc my daughter is 5 months pregnant and I look 9 months. lol
He just looks at me a laughs! But at least I'm trying the stuff he gave me. Then after the month no change. Ewwwwwwwww it's either a scope down the throat or one up the you know I can't say it! Oh I have to so I can deal tehe the bum! OMG I said it the bum! Oh even saying the word makes me giggle like a kid!!! But it has to be done I guess and the thought of having it done grosses me out! The last time I had one I was 26 and I didn't like it one bit. But if it makes me feel better I guess I can take it for a little while. I know I will go kicking a screaming but they will do it. And the thought of someone sticking something down my throat also makes me want to you know I don't have to say it! Ewwwwwwwwww I'm being sick today. Oh well on to my next adventure I guess.

Anywho I hope eveyone's having a great day. If your not having such a good day here's a tip to make you giggle at least a little bit. Imagine your 5 again and your saying the word bum. And you don't want to get caught beacause you know that it's sorta a dirty word. Say the word a few times come one don't be a baby say it with little child like fun. Say it few times then put your hand over your mouth like you swore.

Then look in the mirror and then say it again the word Bum is funny. Looking at yourself in the mirror. This is where your gonna have a good laugh. Or saying the word bum is just so funny!! I know you wanna do it. Come on give it a try you don't know what your missing. Kids have a blast everyday why do we have to miss out on the fun they have we were kids once. Let that cute inner child out every once in awhile. *tehe* I do!!! I guess you figured that one out! Anyways have a great day. Sending much Love and Hugs your way!

Still waiting!

2007-04-11T16:13:00.000-04:00

I went for the ultrasound but may have to wait until Mon for results. I'm not impress because the pain can be so overwhelming! But I will survive!! I am woman hear me roar! Hmmmmmmm I think there is a theme here! lol

Anyho just a little note for now. Gotta go take a pain pill. Laters
Sending much love and Hugs your way
Cherlee

"Oh My Tummy!"

2007-04-10T20:00:00.000-04:00

A quick note to let you know what's up. I'm having this ultra sound done in the morning. If for my tummy it's really a hurting unit right now. It's swollen and it looks like I'm 9 months pregnant and it so hard. I really hurt right now. The doc on call thinks it's many things but he's not sure so I have to go for this ultra sound to rule out stuff. One he thinks it's really possible it maybe my gall badder. It may mean a operation. But I'm not going to think about that right now. It hurts and I want it to stop. So wish me luck as soon as I can I will let yeah know what's wrong!

Anyho if you have a sore tummy don't wait as long as I did because you really look prego but you know it's a tummy ache. Oh My Aching Tummy!

Laters
Send much love and hugs your way
Cherlee

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!

2007-04-09T00:43:00.000-04:00

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!

I truly hope the Easter Bunny found your place alright. The good old bunny found Mel and Al just fine! I can't wait because next year I'll have a sweet little Easter Bunny of my very own to celebrate with! Anyways sending many hugs your way! Have a wonderful Easter Monday All!

Sending Hugs and Love your way!
Cherlee

Hope the Easter Bunny Brought You a Great Gift!

19 weeks

2007-04-02T01:22:00.000-04:00

Melanie is 19 weeks now! She went to Al's brother's place and spent time with him, his wife and their little son. She and Al had a wonderful time and came back with some goodies! She was so happy. It was so great to see her happy. She's really starting to get that preggo belly that I think is so cute!

Anyho just wanted to put an entry bout My Melly Mel! *tehe*
Laters sending much Love and Hugs your way
Cherlee

What I have to pay back!

2007-03-30T16:59:00.000-04:00

I have to pay 27 dollars back to the government for income taxes! Omg this is awful I didn't make enough to even pay anything last year and I have to pay back!! No wonder the poor keep getting poorer and the rich get richer! I can't believe that I'm not getting a income tax check! And that I have to pay back. It may only be 27 dollars in which I paid already. But I have never had to pay back!

But my god I was shocked! My husband gets a nice income tax check but it's not mine it's his. I was so angry at the way my life has gone I started to tear up and couldn't even stop. After this happen I open the the Tim horton's we just got and notice they didn't even put milk in it. But the stupid tears kept flowing and I wasn't even crying. I was just so angry at life I guess they just wanted to come out and I couldn't even stop them at all. So I asked my husband if he could please go and get me a milk and he said "No I should run in it will take my mind off of things!" He's a lazy s.o.b if it's not about him he doesn't care!!

I was so pissed at him for this . So I walk into Tim Horton's with tears streaming down my cheeks I walk over to the area where they have napkins hoping I could wipe them away. They just keep coming I was totally embarrassed. But I went up to the guy told him about my problem about not getting milk with my tea and he just look at me like I was wierd. Once I got my milk I headed out with the tears falling like a leaking faucet. Got in the car then proceed to tell my husband about what just happen. He just went "Oh yah" not caring at all! No wonder I'm a mess. I tried to keep it together for everyone and when I need someone everyone doesn't care. So I said thanks alot for not making me feel better and he says. You'll get through it you always do your strong!

Well guess what I'm tired of being strong and fixing things I want someone to be strong for me. I want some to say Cher I will take care of everything you can relax enjoy yourself. Don't worry about a thing and truly mean it. Not tell me this and then once I get comfortable they have to ask for something in return or take something away!

Anyho I've done enough complain and guess what not one tear fell while writing this! I must be back to normal. Well normal that is such a strong and dirty word. Lol I mean back to me.
Laters sending hugs and love your way
Cherlee

A simple little heart!

2007-03-30T01:53:00.000-04:00

Tonight I was listen to a few songs but each one made me do a lot of thinking and tears started to fall. Each song brought on a memories that hurt. And things started to get me really down. All my life I never felt good enough and still don't. I never thought I'd be where I am today. I thought I would be in a better and happier place but I'm not. I guess you can say I really hate myself right now. But each song hurt in a different way. But I guess it was suppose to happen because something really great happened! Anyway here's some of the songs that got to me then you'll see the amazing thing that really made me realize that I'm not alone or unloved.

Hurt

This reminded me about my grandmother that passed away in the summer of my 19Th year. I never felt that she ever loved me until the last day I saw her. The last words I heard here say was " You know I always loved you. You may not think so but I always did. And I'm proud of you." She gave me a hug and I walk away and they drove off. Three weeks later she died at the age of 58. You see I'm the oldest on my mother side and my grandmother always treated me different she never made me feel wanted. My grandfather did but she never did. I always felt unloved. So this song made me really think about her and I started to missing her. The bold parts are what gets to me. It's most of the song.

Hurt by Christina Aguilera

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face You told me how proud you were, but I walked away If only I knew what I know today Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes There's nothing I wouldn't do To hear your voice again Sometimes I wanna call you But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you For everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh

[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do To have just one more chance To look into your eyes And see you looking back
Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you For everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day I would tell you how much that I've missed you Since you've been away Ooh, it's dangerous It's so out of line To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you For everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Silent House by The Dixie Chicks

This song reminds me of my step grandmother who has been diagnose with Alzheimer. This song talk
about it. I miss the woman she use to be. I see my grandfather miss her too and this breaks my heart.
She never made me feel unloved. She always made it point to include me. She was a wonderful
and great woman. She still is but she slowly losing the woman I knew but I still love her that
won't change.

Then of course the good old sad songs about love. They made me cry cause I'm always on my own.
I'm married but I am alone. He's always gone on the road and when he's home he's into his music and
his needs. He doesn't even hardly speak. This has been going on for years. So I guess you can say
I'm feeling sorry for myself and yes I am. I was at the lowest of lows. Then something amazing happen
you may not think so but it meant the world to me.

I let the dogs out for the last time tonight. I called for my older dog that doesn't get tied up but off course he's exploring
the neighbourhood. As I was calling him. My little black dog Cody that is tied up cause he runs away. Was running around being silly and he was making laugh so hard . He looked so cute being silly so I said " Come on in Codybear, I'll get Newton later."

An he jump up on the deck and ran in the house I was closing the door I notice his leash and this is what I saw!

I just stood there for about a min with my mouth open totally amazed at what I saw. Then it hit me I'm not alone or unloved!! So I ran and got my digital camera and took this picture!
It's not a perfect heart it just like me uneven and unsure but still a heart that that full. This whole story sounds so corny but I had to write this. Little things mean so much and this means the world to me. It made me realize that it's ok to feel the way I was feeling and something or someone hear me. And that's what counts. I'm just so grateful that it happened. It also showed me that I'm going to be ok. I don't have to perfect to be in the huge world. And I should stop trying to be what others want me to be. Just be me and things will be ok.

Anyho this entry is something special to me and I'm feeling so lucky to be able to share it. Thanks for reading.

Send much love and hugs to all
Cherlee

A little something to think about!

2007-03-28T00:48:00.000-04:00

I couldn't sleep as I always so I did some catching up on my blog reading, But the first one I read was Jann Arden's. She's a Canadian singer I love her music and the way she writes. She talks from the soul! She said something that made me really think! The brain started to churn away and almost exploded. Ewwwww that would of been gross if it exploded! lol This is from her blog here goes:

Life is happening without any help from me.
It is glorious and mysterious and wondrous.
Life is what we want to have, but are afraid to have.
We think about dying so much, that "life", is just left on some shelf somewhere in Medicine Hat.

You are going to die.
But how, my dearest, are you going to live?

That really made me think I've wasted so much of my life worrying about dying. It's one the of subject that triggers my disorder if I think about it too much. The funny thing is Death didn't bother me until 32 years of age. So for 8 terrible years death has taken over my thoughts each day. The fear of it can become so overwhelming that it puts me in the worst anxiety attack from hell. It's so overpowering it can make my life a living hell. I remember what put me in this mode.

My daughter was 11 years old and we just moved out here and she kept saying to me " Mommy please don't die I only have you. I think about you dying and it makes me cry. Mommy promise me you won't die." I kept reassuring her I was going to die. But it just didn't seem to ease her mind. I had to keep telling her I was going to be there for her always.

But with my Anxiety disorder I started to think I'm getting older blah blah blah and then that was all I could think of. It' became an everyday thing for me. The panic attacks took over and then I became so depressed thinking who was going to bring my little girl up if I wasn't there? Who will protect her from the world? On and on it went. It became so overpowering it really scared me to death! lol

But I finally overcame that realizing she would be ok. I stopped living for the last 8 years because I never felt my life was mine. So many things were so unhappy and I dwelled in them. I've had so many bad things happen to me in the last 10 years I think it has taken a toll on me.

But I also have been afraid of living my life because I didn't want the bad to destroy my fun. But you know what I can't remember to many good times because I was so afraid of having it. For years I kept saying to my hubby let's do this and do that for a little fun and he'd always so NO! I let life and my hubby take control of my life I made sure my daughter got to have fun and I would stand back and watch envying her. But I should of join in. I have in the last 2 years realize that I can have fun anywhere and any place without worry. The bad times will come even when I totally behave so let it all go and enjoy.

I still have a hard time letting go. But I try as much as I can. I hoping someday soon I really find some fun and happiness. So what Jann wrote really made me think.

Anyho I have some living to do. You want someone to have fun with give me a call. I will be there in minute. Ready for a new adventure to put up here. Or maybe not *tehe*

Send much love and hugs your way
Cherlee

I'M A NEW AUNTIE!!!!

2007-03-27T18:09:00.000-04:00

Wow this is the years for babies!! Last night around 9:00 pm my sister in law had her very first baby!! A sweet baby girl! I think I'm spelling this right Maxine!! This is what my Hubby told me he's the one that took the call. She is 7 pd 14 oz he think 21 inches but I'm sure I will call and find out!! I'm really excited a baby girl to go shopping for and I'm an Auntie for the first time. My two brother's don't have any kiddys. But my brother in law and sister in law do now. This is great a new auntie and a Grandmother in the same year Yippie!! How babies seem to make things in life so much simplier!!

Anywho I just want to enjoy this moment cause moments like these don't come by to often to make you smile for more than a minute! Most days things try to pull me down so far down a deep well that I could drill holes to China. But right now that hole isn't going to swallow me up. So maybe I'm safe for another day!

Sending Hugs and Love Your Way
Cherlee

18 Weeks and Counting!

2007-03-25T00:36:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday Mel's 18 Weeks it seems like I just put up she was pregnant and now she's over 4 month. Well she finally picked a theme for the baby's room. And a drum roll please it's ........ Winnie The Pooh! Yah finally!! She couldn't make up her mind! I would prefer Mickey Mouse but it's her baby right! Well since she is carrying the baby inside for now but when the baby comes out. It maybe be a different story!! Mel I'm just kidding don't come and get me for that comment. I'm sensitive *tehe*.

This week will be the last week I'm selling stuff on ebay for my parents. One a lady hasn't recieved her stuff from Jan 26 / 07 and she only let me know a week ago! And she wanted me to send her money back like I was her trusted friend! Well at first me being me I was in a panic because it was a far amount of money and I was trying to get things together for her. Then it hit me how the hell do I know if she didn't receive it and say she didn't get it. So that's on hold I called the Post Office to search for the package. Well they inform me that sending dishes aren't insured! Well I paid for it. So she said she will make sure I get 100 dollars insurance since the SuperStore Post Office screwed up. But the purchase was 170 US. So I have to come up with over 200 dollars!! Well what the hell is insurance for. She told me it was up to 1000 insurance and the girl told me no. So I'll have to wait and see! And my mom says don't panice cause I will come up with the money or she might! The funny thing is she got the money why in the hell do I have to pay for it. I even paid the ebay fee and did all the work putting them up for her. She just collected the money.

Sometimes I kick my ass for helping out people I always get used! Then they go on with their lives guilt free! I have people that owe me money from the past and they just walk out thinking nothing of it. Well they will get theirs I may have to wait but it will happen. I sound bitter and I am. I'm so sick of the bullshit people expect me to take.

Anyho life goes on. You want me to show you how to kick your own ass I'm the pro on that. I can curve up the old leg and wham hit the target. And man it hurts tehe! Naw I can't even lift my freaken leg up to even get up on the deck why the hell would I wanna kick my own ass that would really hurt!!! What do you think I'm Massacists?
Lol no I'm not into pain I feel enough of that just walking up the street!
Sending lots of Love and Hugs
Cherlee

17 Weeks!

2007-03-17T23:18:00.000-04:00

Wow saturday Mel turned 17 weeks pregnant. Also I waiting to get a call from my in laws about my sister inlaw. She ready to give birth anytime. Also my cousin Tara is due I think in May sometime. Babies, Babies And more Babies! I love it. Mel , Al and I have gone to Walmart and set up the registry for them. Wow it was a blast taking the scanner around the babies department. It will be much easier to let everyone know what they.

Anyho this grandmommy to be is really getting excited. If you wanna someone to talk babies with yah pick me! OH pick me! These days that's one of the main reason why I'm smiling!

Sending much Hugs and Love Your way!

Cherlee

The Count downs on 16 Weeks

2007-03-10T03:00:00.000-05:00

Well Mel's 16 weeks already! She think it's taking forever in her books. But to me the times flying. These day I have to try to keep my cool cause this girl is so hateful. I know all the emotional changes are going on but man there's a limit! But she was hateful at times before she was pregnant but now it's out of control and I don't deserve it! I've been walking away from her mad attacks but this afternoon took the cake. All I can say she better move her ass and get nice. I'm not putting up with her bitchy ways. I don't remember being that mean when I was pregnant for her.

Anywho you want someone with a smart mouth that doesn't care about any one's feelings call my daughter. She'll help you with that and you'd be doing me a favor. You'd be getting her out of my hair for a bit!! lmao

Send Much Hugs And Love
Cherlee

Back to the Auction things!

2007-03-09T09:26:00.000-05:00

I'm back doing some auction stuff again for the parents! Also Mel's boyfriend got a job closer to our place so he's moving in here for awhile until they can afford to get their own place. Everything is going a bit fast but hey he can help out around here. He already started by moving stuff around Mel's room. It's nice because she preggo she can't lift dresser ect. He did it. I usually do everything around here now I have someone to help me. It will be nice for once!

Anywho if you want some help around the house I'll send Al over. He's a great help. Oh give me a warning before I send him over. I sorta have to ask him first! lol
Sending Much Love And Hugs Your Way
Cherlee

Wow It's Amazing!

2007-03-07T04:09:00.000-05:00

This story is a bit mushy. lol

My daughter will be 16 weeks pregnant on Saturday. Every Saturday she another week farther alone. When she was 11 weeks pregnant Mel her boyfriend and I got to see the baby with this special ultra sound. It was one of the most precious experience I every had. It showed us a wonderful view of the little baby that was sleeping and the doc had to wake him or her up. It was so beautiful I was speechless at one point and that's surprising for me! lol

As I watch in total amazement the silent tears that I learned how to cry many years ago started to fall down my check. But these tears were tears of total happiness. Not one of those tears were tears of sadness or hurt. They were tears of pure happiness and pride. Al my daughter boyfriend and the father of the baby was sweet patted my hand and asked if I was OK as I turned my head to tell him that these tears were of happiness I notice the tears welled up in his eyes! Boy this surprised me. Most guys that I know would just sit there and act cool. I was amazed at how much he cared about the baby, my daughter and I. Then I looked over at my daughter who was going through this all of this and saw a large smile and tears rolling down her cheek. This also surprised me. My daughter doesn't cry she's to tough for that. ( She hates it now cause she cries at nothing! I told her this is normal and she gives me one of her looks and I just laugh." LOL

I said out loud " How a beautiful little baby can make the tears fall!" I still remember that day with so much emotion I feel so lucky that my daughter wanted me there to share that wonderful experience.

Then this last Friday she and I got to hear the baby's heart beat 150 BP! Well when I first heard the heartbeat for the first time in my life I was so excited I just didn't' know what to do. I got up went over to my daughter to listen better then I became so overwhelm I had to sit down. I just couldn't move I didn't let my daughter know. I think I was in real shock this time. Hearing the heartbeat made it so real to me. I was so happy and proud of my little girl. The silent tears started to flow big time I couldn't get them to stop. My daughter notice and I was so embarrassed. She said " Mom your crying". All I could get out was "Wow it's amazing". I was rubbing my eyes like I was a two year old trying to stop crying. But I decided to let them flow because for the last 4 years the stress that been keeping me in such a tight drum of unhappiness I finally let it loose! To finally feel something other than stress was so wonderful it was so strange to me. To hear this wonderful sound it was such a shock to my system it wasn't normal! To also realize my baby isn't a baby anymore was another shock to me. To actually feel something other than numb was also overwhelming. I felt so many great feelings that's day. I truly can't describe it all.

I finally stopped the tears a bit embarrassed but I felt like I was free for the first time in years.
I truly needed this since I found out that my daughter was pregnant I've been told that it's to soon for her etc. But I keep telling the people that have a negative attitude towards this TO BAD!!!! A baby is a true blessing I'm not going to make this a sad or bad thing. It's a wonderful thing and Mel can only have good blessing sent her way!! She doesn't need it and nor do I. I guess you can say I'm sorta growing up with her to.

All I want right now is for Mel to be healthy and happy. I worry everyday about her. But I know she's doing OK because she quite smoking for the baby. I am so proud of her. It was something really hard for her to do. This told me she taking care of herself. I love my daughter with all my heart and soul. Now I also have this feeling of love that is as powerful as the love I have for my daughter. It's really strange and amazing all at once. So no one not no one can take the happiness away that I felt on those 2 special days! I know there are going to be more. And I can't wait!

"As the tears fall from my eyes, I smile thinking of you even before meeting you. The love I feel is powerful to only me now. But it will soon all be your." Cherlee

Sending Much Love And Hugs Your Way!
Cherlee

Soon

2007-03-06T19:12:00.000-05:00

Well I'm not doing a great job keeping this update. I'm going to try to. I think the problem is I have to keep going over and over it because of my dislexyia. But I have to remember that my all my friends understand my writing style!! lol But since starting my blog I do catch the mistakes faster. So blogging is good! I will be back very soon I have some amazing news about last friday! Well to me it's amazing I just want to share it with everyone.

Sending Much Love And Hugs
Cherlee

Today is a feeling low on energy day!

2007-02-25T12:57:00.000-05:00

Today I feel yucky. I went to the doc the other day he said I need to get some proper sleep. Urggggggggggg I wish I could sleep a whole 8 hours. I asked him why am I like this. He told me many things but the biggest is stress so I think I have to go on a vacation anywhere but here!! lol Sugars are to high also so I have to do an overhaul again. The winter is almost over hopefully I'll get myself back on track when work starts up again. Oh and I was informed that my ex is thinking of coming here for his honeymoon with his monkey (the thing he's marrying she calls herself monkey if she only knew why people call her that!). Gawd more shit hits the fan. I told him he can come visit his daughter but I don't have to be around at all. And I don't want to see the thing he marrying because I'm reminded of the bitch every time I look in the mirror and see the scars I receive because of her years ago when he was taking his friend side long stupid story.

I will give them back but they won't be as little lol! That felt sooooooooo good. And she been telling Mel shit also. It just never ends but at least I know I'm still alive I better stop I'm starting to get angry again. My poor ticker doesn't need it. lmfao

Anyho I've depressed you. Hope you weren't looking for a ray of sun shine cause I could bring that dark cloud over in no time. I don't mean it but it follows me like schlepprock on the Flintstones today. But I figure someone or something still cares to be around me so be grateful. I have to take what I can get these days! hehehe

Sending much love and hugs your way
Cherlee

Someone please Help Britney!!

2007-02-20T14:01:00.000-05:00

Britney Spears cry for help breaks my heart. I hear a lot people shrugging it off as a poor little rich girl and who cares she'd got money or she's just wants attention. Well yah she wants attention she needs help big time! This bothers me so much this girl truly needs help. Or we are gonna have another Anna Nicole Smith on our hands.

In my opinion Britney is a young woman who's crying out for help. She is having a mental breakdown. Been there done that not as extreme as hers mind you. But I didn't have all the camera and bull in my face every minute. To have it so public and everyone watching your every move it must be hell. But I also hear people saying well she put herself there. She knew what she was getting into when she became famous.

I have to back that one up. It was her mom that did that. The girl didn't have a normal childhood hanging with friends ect. She made friends at the Mickey Mouse Club or her singer contest. Children are so versatile we think. The videos of Britney saying when she was young this is what I want to do and be. Have a look at here age and the way she acted, she was doing as she was told. She acted much older than what she was. Yes she had a voice but let her decide if she wants it. I may be wrong in the way I feel. But to push someone so far they have to break sometime. It took Britney having to kids to break. Geez she wasn't over her baby blue to first time when she was back in the public eye being slammed again. Then she thought she make everything better with another baby. Boom her world fell apart. She hasn't even dealt with the second one baby blues. Myself as a woman has been guilty of doing things stupid just to save my relationship. It's always up to the woman and we always look like the idiots. This angers me, I don't agree with all she's doing but I've been so angry I wanted to shave all my hair off to just to get back at them because they said if you cut your hair I'm gone!! Well I'm losing my hair now I won't have to shave it. The stress in my life has cause this. I should of shave it a long time ago maybe it would be thicker and stronger now. I would of been stronger with my life too. Anyways I got off track again!~ lol. So she got two tattoo big deal I have them. Who cares the tattoos will remind of her life at this moment. She can look back on it later.

Everyone is on K-Fed side except me. He is a horse ass. I went out with a few of them, they push the other person to the edge then sit back and take all the credit for being the good guy. I see right through the act. I see that Kevin has fooled around on her, gave her stuff and filmed her for his own use. I see that he has set himself up if Britney through him out he will come out with all this bull on her. All he was there was for the fame and the money. Britney just wanted him to love her never thought once to protect herself from the asshole. Britney wanted to rebel and she found a gold digger bad boy that would shock her family ect. But it sorta backfired in her face like it has to us at one time or another it just wasn't public news. It was bad enough that our friends and family knew about our mistakes but can you imagine the whole world!

She claim she shave her hair because she didn't want anyone touching her or plunging things into it. Read between the lines she wants to left alone to deal with her life. I watch when she was on that night show she told the interviewer that she just wanted to be left alone. But did anyone listen no. The girl fell apart on TV, the next day all I heard was what a fool she made of herself, she looks awful, she blowing smoke up peoples ass.

God the girl was begging for people to leave her alone. She had to many people making decsion for her and when she had been allow to make her changes in her own life. She didn't know how to handle all the responsibility. It overwhelmed her so she went wild. Yah Yah she had her son in the front seat with her when she was driving. I know people that has done that.

They keep showing her walking with her son and tripping. Did people see the crowd of people around that girl and she was trying to get away from these people. No it's her fault she almost dropped her baby. Gwad people leave her alone I bet if she was walking alone she would of seen that hole in the road and wouldn't of tripped. She had her baby outside in the sun well did anyone ask her if she put sun screen on her baby. No they made it out that she was putting all over them but not her son.

I am putting up a few pics of Britney shaving her hair because I want people to see the lost and empty look in her eyes . The pictures tell their own story. She needs help and I feel so sorry for her. If you also look she still has her wedding band on. This also tells a story of a woman who wanted her marriage to work. She's a hurting unit.

Anyho I couldn't let this one go by without saying that we've all been there one time or another it just wasn't public or so public. I don't want to see a beautiful young woman leave this world because she just want to be her own person or have her own personal breakdown. I guess I will get negative feedback on this but that's ok. Eveyone has a right to their own opinion just like myself! So tell me what you truly think?

So laters much love and hugs!

Cherlee

It's official I'm going to be a Grandmother!!

2007-02-18T16:14:00.000-05:00

Well I can finally say it I'm going to be a grandmother. I have wanted to get this out for awhile but I wanted my in laws to find out first. So now I told them but hubby was suppose to but that's another story. Don't care to rehash it right now.

Anyways Mel is due August 27, 2007. I'm sure it will be September. But if she anything like me she be on or before the due date. I had Mel 20 mins before my due date. My due date was July 17. Mel was born 11:40 pm July 16 20 mins early! lol I'm crossing my fingers that everything will turn out ok. I'm so worried about her but we've been to all the right doctors I made sure of that. Mel doesn't ask alot of questions but you know what that one of my traits good or bad. I want to know all the good and bad of everything even if it's going to cause me heartache. And boy in my life because I want to know it all. I've dealt with a lot of heartache but at least I wasn't left in the dark. LOL

It was a surprise because she wasn't going out with this new boyfriend for long and bam she's going to have a baby. At first I was shocked but like I told her she's old enough to know better and it's up to her what she was going to do she is 20. Her boyfriend she's known since grade 10. But only got back being friends in Nov and then started going out. I like him. He is good to her and wants to be there with her through this. So she's lucky in that fact because the boyfriend before this one only cared about his needs.

Anyways every year I have a shocker and it's usely a bad one but I'm not letting this baby news be a bad thing. To me it's wonderful. I know the road ahead for Melanie will be rough we talk about it but I know she'll do fine. I told her I've been there done that and she and I made it through. So will she. I told her I'm glad she's having the baby because I'm 42 young enough to be a hip gram. So they call me gramz I guess it sounds hip. lol I remember a few months ago I was hating myself for getting old. Hummmmmm does becoming a grandmother make me officially old ?! I think not!! lmao It makes me youthful again!! I hope!

Anyho I feel better that I could get this one off my chest for now. The stress of keeping this one in sure did a number on me. You don't know how many times I wanted to write this out. But I wanted certain people to know first. Well it's all over now and you can call me GRAMZZZZZZ!!lol

Laters much love and hugs

Cherlee

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL!

2007-02-14T04:01:00.000-05:00

Day everyone I thought I'd say it. I can't believe that this is my second Valentine's Day with this blog! I really can't believe I kept it up this long! I

And

For putting up with all my whining for another year! To another year! I hope everyone has someone they love with them today. I just don't mean a partner. I mean your child, family member, even your friend. They all can make this day a great one!! If you have a partner I hope they treat you with love and great respect each and everyday not just once a year!!

My daughter went out last week and bought me a wonderful card and a bag full of goodies for Valentine. As I write this I see the bear that says I love you and the I love you pen she had gotten me. She couldn't wait so she gave me it all on the weekend. Her boyfriend also gave me some goodies and a Card. They both brought tears to my eyes. It was a great weekend. Her boyfriend came down for the weekend and surprised her with a Dozen roses! They are beautiful. I get the pleasure of looking at them every time I walk into my kitchen. I smile when I see them. You know what it's great to smile I don't seem to do that enough. So my challenge this year is to find things that make me smile. You know it will help all around because if I smile I hear the wrinkles aren't as bad as when you frown. So here's to smiling more!!

Anywho everyone have a wonderful day. I will talk to you all laters. With Much Love sent your way! From my house to yours HAPPY VALENTINE DAY!!

2007-02-09T17:28:00.000-05:00

Get your own valentinr

My Opinion On Anna Nicole Smith

2007-02-09T08:58:00.000-05:00

I wasn't going to say anything about her on my blog because I didn't want to get any slack about the way I feel. But I have to and this is me now letting it out not keeping it inside. Yesterday when I was out with my mom. Dad called to tell my mom stuff. But half way through their conversation I hear my mom say " No you got to be kidding! We knew it was going to happened. Oh Well"

Then she got off the phone to inform me that dad saw on the new Anna Nicole Smith died. Then she told me that her and my father couldn't stand her that the things she saw of her on TV really made her sick blah blah blah. First I was taken aback that Anna was dead. But I was shocked at my mother opinion my mom was pretty harsh.

I asked my mom how did she know so much about her. Her comment " I seen her acting like a fool on TV and I read about her. I said if this woman bothered you so much why did you watch her or read about her?? Funny she really didn't have much of an answer. So I told her you didn't really not like her. It amused you to watch her making an ass of herself. To me it made the people watching or reading feel better about themselves to watch a woman destroy her rep so others could look good and feel better about themselves. I told her my heart went out to her. She didn't have the best life and she made the choices many wrong but she made them so she could get through this life on her own term. Not on the terms of what other thought she should take. I have made many mistakes in my life and I'm sure I will make many more but I try to keep them at a minimum because I don't want my family to feel embarrassed or shame. But why do I allow people to control the way I feel or think. But I do like many of us that want to keep peace in our lives. But you know what in the last 2 years I have said somethings I regret later or reacted to things very strongly. But I'm saying what is on my mind and to me this is a good thing. I was a yes woman for way to long. It has cause some people to leave my life but I know it was for the better. Because why should I put up with others taking advantage of me. No more I feel I'm worth more than that. To me if people can't take what I have to about the way I feel to bad. I don't deserve to take it anymore. I'm tired of feeling violated and used! Slowly each day I become stronger! I may get knocked down but I try to dust myself off and start over again!

Anyways this is my opinion her antics of being stone or drunk on TV or elsewhere was not to classy yes I know that. Her marrying a man in his 90 yeah it was a shocker but not something that was to shocking. Women do it everyday it just not spoken about.

I think deep down inside of me if I had the confidence ect when I was a struggling single mother and a 90 year old man came along and offered me the world and money. I would of truly thought about it and maybe took the chance for a better life for my daughter and I. Really think about ladies we have say or thought about this and said I wish I could find myself a sugar daddy to take care of me. I know I have!! lol But I'm not secure enough with myself to even attempt it but I say you go girl if someone does! Life is way to short to not take that chance. I gave her a high five for doing it in my mind because if I said it around other people they just start a fight and I didn't have the backbone to argue but now I do!! Another thing that gets to me is her son died after giving birth to a second baby 20 years after her first baby. The media made it a sham. The woman was grieving leave her the hell alone. I know, god forbid if this ever happened to me I'd be stone for as long as it take just to ease the pain of losing my child. I maybe be stone all my life but at least I got through!!

I know your thinking she in the spot light she put herself there. But hey there is a time and a place for this. And losing a child isn't the time to push someone over the edge. My heart goes out to her 5 month old baby. Her baby won't know the woman who was larger than life. She will only hear the bad and this is so sad. The pictures that they showed after she gave birth. You can tell she was truly happy. I hope her daughter gets to see them. Anna was a woman who was got lost in this world. I know she is finally happy. She with her son who she needs now. She made a big impact on this world. Bad or good she will not be forgotten. Well not in my world anyways. Here's a quote that someone said yesterday when they found out she left this world. This sums it up totally!

Janice Min of US Weekly:

"She fought against so many obstacles — poverty. Teen pregnancy.
A bad home life." And of course, ridicule.
"But she persisted, where others would have shrunk
away out of humiliation and shame."

It might have made her look pathetic.
But it also made it exceedingly hard to look away.

Talk Show Host From the View
Joy Behar Said
She came up with two things: Dysfunction. And beauty.

"No question, she was beautiful," said Behar, of ABC's "The View." "We know people like to watch dysfunction. But beauty gives you something extra to look at. Dysfunction and beauty: Now that's something to watch."

Thanks for listening. It feels wonderful to finally say the way I feel about something others don't agree with. I don't have to say things to make everyone happy but me !
Laters much luv and hugs
Cherlee

Super hero I'm not mom!

2007-02-03T01:56:00.000-05:00

Well I guess you can say I don't need stress in my life I've had enough of that to last me a life time. But I guess I needed to get my heart pumping to see I'm alive every once in a while! Well I'm not sure what I was trying to prove. Sometimes I don't think before I do things and my mother will be the first one to tell you so gawdddd. Here's my story:

My daughter, mother and I were coming out of the local grocery store talking away about stuff. We get to mom's van load our groceries in I'm just about to close the back door of the van when my daughter yells over to me " Mom, look I think that truck is rolling backwards. I glance over quickly and was just about to say she was seeing thing when I saw it start to roll slowly. I thought humm.... maybe it will stop on it's own. Then I look behind where the truck would head towards if it keep going. It would be near the MacDonald's parking lot near their drive Thur. Then I notice cars were starting to pull into the grocery store parking lot and they had to drive behind this rolling truck!

I look over to see who was driving in and I saw a older woman driving in slowly. Then I glance over at the white truck and the truck started to pick up speed because it was on a bit of a hill and it was heading down. I yelled out to my mother to go into the store to find out who owns the truck and get them outside as I ran to the back of the truck. Of course not thinking that this white truck would probably be heavy I got behind it and stop it from rolling.

All I keep thinking was all these innocent people driving in and if this sucker picks up speed as it was starting to do. It would cause some damage. So of course my little wee mother saw this and started to freak because I was behind the truck. And came running out before she even got to the store to find the owner. She keep saying "Cher what are you doing? You can get hurt doing that." I said " Mom just go get the person who owns the truck please the truck is easy to hold. Just get someone now!" My mother being my mother starts to freak out. " There is no way I'm going to leave you holding this truck it can roll on you. And you can get injured".

I told her " Mom I'm to big for this truck to roll on. Gawd stop it I'm OK."

And it went on like this as she was looking through this truck back for something to stop it from rolling. The doors where locked. She found a shovel and rammed it under the tired. It was still rolling so I got her to take it out and shove it under the other tire. While I was still holding on to the back of the truck to make sure it wasn't going to roll any further. In the mean time my mother was freaking at me about getting behind the truck still. I told her that I was OK so stop worrying. My only concern was that no one had gotten hurt. She got the girl in the store to page this guy.

Meanwhile, there were these young guys I'd say in their early 20's just watching me. You'd think these little asses would of came over to help me out nooooooooooooooo. They stood there watching and telling people as they were coming out the door about what was happening. Not one person came over to help. What the hell is wrong with this world?!

The guy that owned the truck came out the store and didn't even thank anyone. He got in his truck and the young guy that was with him said " Wait there's a shovel under the tire you can't go yet. So he took it out and they drove off like it nothing happened.

This surely pissed me off. But what was also pissing me off was my mother I know the woman loves me but sometimes she's got to lecture me about stuff and not stop. I know it was dangerous but if I didn't stop it what could of happened could of been worse. That's all I kept saying. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to someone because I didn't do something. My daughter was in total shock through out the whole thing. This made me laugh. All she kept saying was Mom what are you doing? Man sometime she can make me laugh just with uttering a few words and her facial expression. Lol

So we were heading back home when this thought came to my head I said to my daughter " Mel I guess I thought I was a superhero or something." Well this started my mother off on her rant about how I could of got hurt. So I repeated what I had said earlier and Then she called me love! I looked at her like she had two heads! What the hell she's never called me love before! I'm not sure what my mom's going through but I hope it ends soon cause she was starting to scare me. She kept on. Then I said "Mom, what happened if that guy didn't jump down and save that guy on the subway in New York or where ever it was. He didn't think twice yes it was dangerous but he saved a life. Sometimes we do things without thinking but you wanna know something I got that from you!! " Funny thing is she change the subject real quick!! lol

So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I don't regret it at all. I know it was really stupid to do that but I feel better knowing that no one got hurt. The funny things is as we were pulling out my mom sees my granddad coming out of the store. He had just went in to get milk or something. So he ran in we talk to him for few then left. When I got home I was thankful that it was all done by the time he came out because with my grandfather's lucky lately it could of been him.

So Anywho I'm hanging up my cape for the time being. But if I'm in your neighbour hood and my mommy's not around I sure will come and help you out But if you see a blond lady with a pink cape on pulling a woman behind her "Yelling your going to hurt yourself!!" You got it it's me!! I'll just keep walking by until she's not looking!!! So this is Cherlee sighing off for now Much luv laters

Auction or bust

2007-01-28T21:46:00.000-05:00

Well I've been working like a busy bee doing auction for my parents. So I've been sending package, dealing with people and just spending alot time on the net but not enough time to write in my blog. I will try to write soon. Hope everyone is doing ok. I'll try to see what every one's been up to this weekend I hope.
Laters Much Hugs
Cherlee

What Senior Discount!!!

2007-01-24T02:11:00.000-05:00

What is this world coming to I was out with my mother and daughter today at a Zeller restaurant. We were talking about all kinds of stuff and having a great time. When we were done my mom left first because she had to pick up her foster children at the dentist around the corner then she'd come back to get my daughter and I. So we got our stuff together and went to the cash. Chatting away about nothing. The cashier was nice ask me what my tee shirt said so I showed her what it said. It says " DO YOU HEAR ME NOW!." She laughed away I just smiled the novelty wore off a long time ago.

I think I've show it a million times over the last three years since I got it. I don't mind but I don't get a kick out of anymore. So she put my daughter through first because she wanted a smoke of course. Then she put me through and then she hesitated and then asked" Do you get the discount?!!!!!". The discount I say to myself. I'm am not 55 years old I'm am 42 I wanted to shout at this woman!!!!! My daughter heard this and stopped in her tracks! Looked at me and starting giggling. The she decided to wait for me with this gawd awful grin from ear to ear. I sorta had my mouth hanging open so flys and such could just fly in a have a hay day since my mouth was on the floor!!

I was in shock because just a few weeks ago a woman I was talk in to couldn't believe I had a daughter that was 20 years old she thought I was in my 30's. This awful feeling started to come over me. Then I starting to doubt everyone and everything?!?! Did this cashier think because my mother gets the discount and she's 59 that I should! Not sure but me being stupid I didn't take it. It was a seniors discount and I would of saved on my meal but my freaken pride took over and I said NOOOOOOOO!!!! I was so upset at the fact that this woman would even think for one second that I was even close to 35 to begin with hehehe.

I kept my cool until I was out of range from this woman and freaked out. My daughter thought this was the funniest thing she every heard. I said to her do I look over 55 and she said "No mom if I met you on the street I wouldn't of thought you were 40 yet." 'At this point I didn't trust anyone opinion. I said "Mel your just saying that cause you don't want me to freak out anymore." She said " Mom I tell you the truth I tell you when you look like crap ect so why would I lie about the way you look." This didn't convince me. So my mother pulls up and I jump in the van told her what happen she burst out laughing at my expense of course. She said "Why didn't you take the discount anyways who cares what she thought you would of saved money silly!".

First of all I told her she wasn't funny and I didn't appreciate her laughing at me. She and my daughter both burst out laughing at me. My daughter said "You should see your face!". I said some more then I just shut up cause this was a losing battle. And within minutes we were off and running on another subject. When there was a pause in the conversation I went off into my own world thinking about this discount stuff.

I thought to myself for the last 3 months I don't go out without makeup when going out. For the last 3 years I've been so unhappy it seemed that I didn't care if I brushed my hair I did brush it. But man I thought many time why use the little bit of energy that I had left to even lift a brush threw my hair. I looked a mess somedays I know I look 100. Sad fact but true lol

I have grown my nails long and wear nail polish now. Yes I wear nail polish. Not for long thou back to short nails in April back to work and transplanting and stuff.
So I'm enjoying them now. I figure I'd take baby steps in making myself feel better about myself. My face has been dry with the winter and I was complaining to my husband about my skin and he said to make you feel better I get you whatever cream you want to make you feel better. I thought this was really nice of him so I went to a store that had someone that knew what they were doing and he bought me the cream. I've been using that and get this the it's by Marcelle and it' is anti wrinkle and firming cream. My gawd I have to bring it back it doesn't work!!!! Lol

So now that I had time to think about this I was so dumb. I should of taken the discount and chalked up as another great entry for my blog!!! But noooooooo me being me got upset and said NO! because of my damn pride. FU@# pride I say save money. So I'm thinking we are going into the city in a few weeks I think I want to go back to the same place but this time sit on the other side and ask for my discount wonder if I will get it!!!!

Anywho want to save money lie I tell yah just lie. I figure if everyone needs to save money just agree with them. And walk away with pride that you got away with saving a few dollars. I know I will the next time
Much Luv Laters
Cherlee

What I can't Blog!!!!

2007-01-19T00:01:00.000-05:00

Well ok I've been going through a lot and WHAT I CAN'T BLOG!!!!! What the heck is going on! My world is sorta getting back to normal right now but wow. It would of been nice to just let out some of my frustration's. But nooooooooo This new and improve Blogger SUCKSSSSS big time. I can't seem to log in half the time. Also when I do get to I hiccup more than I should. But hey I'm mad at blogger this is good this is very good! My Computer is on it's last legs! Maybe a miracle will happen and the Computer Angels hear me and send one down from sweet computer heaven!
You can't blame a girl from dreaming can yeah! lol

I'm really doing alright. Let's just say my daughter has been my big concern at the moment. But things are working out so far keep you finger, toes, and whatever you have the great pleasure of crossing.! EEeekkk the thought of it! lol

I think since the New Year there has been some shocks. But hey I guess we need a few of those to make sure we are still alive or something! Geez I know I'm alive the old blood pressure starts to rise. The head next starts to pound then POWWWWW right in the kisser Alice!! The rest follows behind then I know I'm alive. Boy oh boy I'm really babbling but this feels really good I haven't had my daily dose of ranting and raving lol.

Thought I just do this quick and hope for the best the short entries seem to work for now. I hope this one goes up.

Anyho my friends I will try my hardest to go check out how you all have been doing.
If this computer and Blogger lets me. Cause I really miss yah! Laters luv
Cherlee

What I keep hiccupping?!

2007-01-12T17:56:00.000-05:00

Not sure what's going on but my post either show up once,twice or three times. I only click once. These days I haven't been writing to much. Maybe blog is telling me something!! I do have a lot to say but I've been dealing with a lot again these days and it's hard to write it down because it may take a day or two! lol Not really but it will take a bit to get it out. I'm doing ok. And thanks for your support. I truly am thankful for each and everyone of you. You do make my day!

Anywho I gotta go and deal and it's not cards! I wish anyways I think I better make sure that I done hiccupping this post or I going to get freak out. Is there such thing as a Ghost of Blogger Pasts! hummmmmmmm Boo! lol

Luvs Laters
Cherlee

Happy Birthday Daddy!!!

2007-01-10T13:38:00.002-05:00

Today is my Dad's Birthday. It really is a great for him. He had some surgery done and it went very well and everything looks great! We were sorta worried about somethings but he got a clean bill of health. It's so nice to hear good news for once!! And today is my father-in-laws Birthday also! Happy B-Day Rog!!

I remember when I found out when my father-in-law Birthday I was a bit freaked out since it's my Dad's birthday too. It seem really weird that my hubby and I have fathers that have the same B-Day. But my father is 3 years younger than my Father-in-law. So anyways Dad & Rog have a great one! Love yah both lots
Cherlee

The funs over?

2007-01-05T02:59:00.000-05:00

Well for the last 4 days it's been a rollercoaster ride of emotions once again. Whoa and it's only the first week of the New Year! But I totally expected it. My life wouldn't be normal if the throws of the extreme wasn't coming my way.

But for some reason I'm much calmer than I was a few months ago. For one my old pup Newton who is 11 years old can't lift his head up without screeching in pain. He's been doing this off and on for the last week . He looks so sad right now but he still wags his tail as I speak to him. It breaks my heart he's getting so old and as Mel would say stinkier. But we love him just the same. We think what might of happened is he has tags on his collar and as he's gotten older he's become obsessed with licking them. So Mel took off his collar and two days later he's fine again.

So she decided to put it back on yesterday and bam he's licking the tags again twisting his head downwards to get the ones underneath the collar it self. So we take it off after a few hours of wearing it. Then this morning I hear him whimpering and I check him and he can't lift his head again. So we are at square one again. So we think from him twisting and turning his head to lick these gawd awful tags he's pulling a musle. We are crossing our fingers and toes hoping that's all it is! But if he's not better tomorrow off to the vet!

Also in todays news the contractor came over here so I could sign the contract so he could get paid for septic job. I sign it but I had a made up a contract for him to sign that he and I agreed on. To come back before the end of July 2007 to repair my yard. Because of the mess they made of my yard. He signed it and couldn't believe how awful my yard look beacause his boys didn't clean up my yard before all the rain and bad weather showed up. The wall to the septic field is coming down into my driveway so when it snows but mostly rain it floods my driveway then it gets cold out and poof it's a flipping skating rink. One that isn't very nice to skate on or look at.

Also in the middle of the septic bed it's sinking in!! He was kinda freaking about this. Guess what??????? You not going to believe this one I just laughed and said oh well I was just about to say are you going to repair that? When he said I'm going to fix that for you also when the warmer weather come and dries up the yard. I just smiled away. He kinda look at me like I was losing a few of my marbles. But how can you lose marbles when you lost them many years ago? I just nodded still smiling! He also told me that whenever the phone rings he cringes because he thinks it's me calling to tell him it's not working. I said thanks alot that makes me feel good. But I laughed and he was saying he didn't mean it that way ect. I just laughed again. What the hell can I do about it anyways. If something goes wrong it's his problem not mine. I've stress about this for over two years. On to the next! And with that there are other things that need my attention!

Some of the other stuff that's going on I can't talk about right now. But it feels good just to say that. Life has a weird way of throwing a curve ball at you. You know I'm tired of playing catch the curve ball because with catching that stupid ball stress flies into my face full force!! lol

But it seems that each time it's been thrown in the last few months I seem to be taking it better than I thought. I may think differently tomorrow but for today I feel stronger than I ever did! Maybe I'm finally growning up?! hummmmmm Don't want to do that nope!! lol
So I babbled enough for today. I will be catching up on my blog reading also this weekend. I sure do miss doing that. I also have to start on my life changes haven't had time to start any of them yet but I'm starting today when I wake up.

Anyho do you have any marbles I could borrow? I'm starting to miss the pretty color ones. They keep me amused! OOPs I think I need more than marbles to get my mind back. Oh what mind? lol

Laters
Cherlee

Newton! His eyes look weird in this pic but right now it's the only one I could find! He still looks cuters!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

2007-01-01T12:53:00.000-05:00

Well it's finally here!! It's 2007 wow and it seems like yesterday that we were nervous of the year 2000! The hype about the millennium and it's problems. And we are already 7 years into it. So I'd like to wish everyone and wonderful New Year. And that your troubles be very few I mean none. But we know life wouldn't be life without a few hiccups in the road!! lol Really think about it if there wasn't problems to fix in our lives wouldn't life be so boring?? Lol

Anyho you all have a good one. Cause I know I did now I'm going back to bed had way to much fun last night dance my butt off with Melanie and her bestfriend. My old aching body is some sore but it feel good. I keep telling myself it feels good because it's the start of my new exercise program!! lol

Laters
Cherlee

My changes for 2007!

2006-12-30T21:47:00.000-05:00

Well here goes I'm not going to call them resolution. Whenever I use that word I don't keep them. So I'm going to call them changes that I have to make in my life. The last year has really been a life lesson. I learn not to trust a single soul. But that's OK I can always start over. I don't need others to pull me down. I'm not for second chance either. Anyways enough of that. I was once told you have to write your changes down so you can keep them. So this is the first time that I'm ever doing this. So maybe I may stick to at least one!! lol Here goes

1. Change my eating habits
2. Lose weight
3. Exercise
4. Work on finding out what I really want
5. Get rid of the things from my past that make me sad
6. Finally get my home business right
7. Realize that I have to take care of me
8. Learn to love me
9. Maybe do a online course
10. Get healthy is my main goal

I have other goals like fix certain areas in my home but I need to fix me before I go on. This post is my serious post but it's a look at later post. So when I forget where I'm going or what I have to do I just have to have a look at what I need to do to get my life on the right path. I've been soul searching for awhile now. I need to fix my inside so my outside will start to heal. I've gone through life letting things go and putting others first. It may sound selfish but I figure my baby is 20 now she can take care of herself. My husband acts like he doesn't need me so why work hard doing things for him when he doesn't even notice. And all the others will have to deal with it. I may sound so selfish but after the last three years of bullshit. I truly think it's time for me to take care of me.

The doc keeps telling me to take care of me first. Well it's time so I raise my glass to you and your changes. May we all have a wonderful 2007 we all deserve some happiness!!

Love you one all
Cherlee

Got my chair!!

2006-12-28T01:43:00.001-05:00

Today I went shopping for my gifts from hubby. I really needed a good computer chair. I was going for the cheap ones. My hubby headed for the Cadillac of all Cadillac of chairs. But of course they only had them in demo chairs. My husband sat in the second best one in the store of course. I told him no that way to much. It' was leather with double cushions ect. But to me I'm so cheap. But he made sense why keep buying the cheap ones every 6 months when I can get one that will last years. His favorite saying today was you only live once and he deserved to pay that much since I have to wait for my gifts all the time. (Funny thing was up until a few months ago he didn't say those words.) So I said yeah your right. We got a deal on it too!!

Because it had a few scratches on it we saved $50.00! Wow and with that money we save I got ink for the my printer. Then I told him I needed some tops so I headed to the store that has clothes that fit my BBW (big beautiful woman) size. I hate that I just say the fat store and everyone knows where I'm going. I bought two tops that would of cost over 100 dollars and only paid 43 dollars for both. Deals everywhere. We went out to supper. Bought grocery and came home to get him ready for the road. He won't be here for New Year's so I'm might go out with my daughter. He even gave me money to go out. Not sure what's going on but I'm going enjoy it while it last. So if any bad comes my way I can look back on this Xmas as being one of the best ones. Not only because of the gifts but this Christmas was so stress free.

But now I have to work on getting this freaking weight off my life would be where I want it to be. But only time will tell where all this is leading. But for once in my life I'm not going to stress myself over it at this moment.

Anyho wanna go shopping hubby's in a giving mood. We may great some great deals too!!

Well Christmas was great this year!

2006-12-26T17:07:00.001-05:00

I think my Christmas was some great this year! I was so overwhelmed when I was showing Mel my gifts I'd say "Look Mel isn't this really nice your grandmother got it for me" She would reply "Mom gawd, I got that for you!". Then not more than 5 Min's later I said "Mel, Thanks for the really nice angels." She said "Gawd, Mom Grammy got you those!" I just laughed as I was tearing into another wonderful gift! I was so relaxed for once. I was so freaking tired to but for once I didn't have a time limit on the meal for the day. This year has been the only year that I didn't feel a lot of pressure getting anything ready for Christmas. It was so laid ed back. It was great.

The night before I made a Christmas eve dinner at my house for my daughter her new boyfriend. My Tasha my other daughter from another mother! (My daughter's best friend).
My brother B and his lady and my other Brother M and no lady he's single lol. Then of course it was me and the hubby. It was a really nice evening. Except brother M got a little cocky with Mel's boyfriend. He was trying to be the protected uncle but what he was saying was coming off really rude. But M listen when I said enough. He sorta had got into some giggle juice earlier that day. So he was still feeling the effects of it. Sometime when he drinks he power trips and this was one of those times. He behave himself most of the time so it didn't bother us to much at all.

Then Tasha msm me last night to let me know that the malls were closed until the 27Th of Dec. I was getting ready to go to bed when she told me this. I was going to bed early because the hubby was taking me shopping to get my gifts from him. We started doing this a few years back. He gets to be lazy and not have to shop for me and save money cause we go on boxing day. And I get alot more this way because he thinks he saving a lot of money but truly he isn't. I get to buy just as much but it looks like so much more because of the saving. To me it's a win win. I get what I want and he thinks he getting away with not shopping ect. The funny thing is I don't drive to scared to. I know one day I will drive but he has to drive me there and pay for what I pick out so isn't that shopping?????

So when Tasha told me I was so upset. My hubby has to go back to work on the 27Th of Dec and won't be back until the 3rd of Jan. He's a trucker that drives long haul.
So this really made me really sad. Not crying but almost a tear formed but it didn't I said to myself "Self you have to be strong you will have to wait alittle longer grasshopper. You will get what you want but you will have to wait once again. Waiting is what you are good at!" OMG, I've gotta stop watching so much TV!!

Hubby was laying on the couch watching TV so I went in with this really whinny sad voice and told him what I found out. Plunked myself in my chair with a heavy sigh and just looked at him.

He said " Don't worry about it I don't have to leave for work until 5 or 6 pm. I could still take you shopping." I jumped up and said "Really, thank you I have to go tell Tasha." So off I went and told Tasha about my plans. Didn't do much today. Haven't been sleeping that great for about 2 weeks so hopefully I get to bed early so we can get up early to do what? SHOPPING OF COURSE.

Anyho I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with none or very little mishaps. I also hope you received all that you wanted for Christmas. But if you didn't I could show you how to whine just enough to get what you want. I have to tell yeah though it doesn't work for everything. So you have to tell me what you want and I will prefect that whine for you. I'm sorry but the whine isn't grantee cause it doesn't always work don't want yeah hating me! lol

Have A Very Merry Christmas Everyone!

2006-12-24T01:49:00.000-05:00

I just want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. I truly hope santa is extra giving this year. I'm getting excited cause Santa is heading my way soon. I love the true magic of Christmas. Love yah
Cherlee

P.S

Here's a pic for yah I think Santa's starting to lose his everloving mind!! Well I think he can pose all he wants as long as he gives me the gifts I want I don't care. So Santa Fill your Boots! lol

Well this is sorta cruel!

2006-12-17T00:57:00.000-05:00

When I first saw this pic I thought wow this is some cruel. But in it's own way it is sorta funny. Sorry folks I have to say after the shock of this pic. I thought it was funny in it's own way!! hehehehe

I've been really busy painting rooms. Putting in carpets moving around the basement. Finally put our tree up. Well Mel and I did. I'm so upside down with my time to sleep. My day ends about 6 am. I can't seem to sleep more than 3 to 4 hours. Not really sure what's going on. I will find out why hopefully soon. The doc told me with all I have been though in the last few years the stress of it all has cause all the sleep problems. I hope the bullshit soon ends. I feel like it will soon enough I truly hope so. I'm told that Christmas has many miracle. I hope a few are throw my way. Also doing the auctions for my parents ect. I haven't been blogging to much. Sad so sad I know!

Last week my grandfather went for a walk in the park near his house. He is 83. He slipped and feel for the second time in the last 3 months. The first time he tripped and blackened his eye. This time he broke his rib. I'm really getting worried about him. Also he has this cold that has lasted for more than three weeks so with the coughing it really doing a number on him. He has had two reaction on two of the meds he was on. Finally mom and I got him to change the last one and from what I was told he was doing a bit better today.

But this week I will catch up with all my blogger friends. I truly miss you all. Hope your all well.

Anyho I have to go try to get at least 2 hours sleep. Not sure what tomorrow brings but I hope it has nothing to do with carpets or painting. I hope it has to do with chocolate yeah chocolate. I love chocolate. mmmmmmmmmmm. Anyways I gotta go I have to find some chocolate laters. awwwwwwwwww I can't have chocolate it has caffeine in it and I won't sleep. Gees I can't win for losings. Laters
Cherlee

Does Dark Mustard Count?

2006-12-11T20:22:00.000-05:00

Your Blog Should Be Yellow

You're a cheerful, upbeat blogger who tends to make everyone laugh.
You are a great storyteller, and the first to post the latest funny link.
You're also friendly and welcoming to everyone who comments on your blog.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?