Saturday, December 06, 2008

RIP Newton I love you!

Dec 3rd I had to put my 13 year old dog down. My heart aches so much for him right now. I haven't been the same since. I loved him dearly but he was in so much pain and he was getting aggressive he has even bit me. From the start he was so passive and loving. He was still loving until the last day but the pain I guess was to much for him and he wasn't happy.

The morning of the third my grandson was coming down the hall to say hi to me when Newton snipped his face. Nothing serious but I knew it was time. He has tried this before and I knew he couldn't take it anymore. If you read my blog awhile back you'd notice I bought a green long runner for my kitchen and hall way so Newton could walk around without trouble. But in the last month he couldn't even walk in the living room and he kept falling. The last month he also couldn't make it up the stairs without falling up them.

He bark all the time because he thought he heard things and there was no one there. He was going blind and the lump on his side was almost the size of his whole side. I knew he couldn't take it anymore. It broke my heart but I didn't want to put him down. My husband and I talked about more in the spring and he would take him to get it done because I didn't have the heart. Newton was my dog and he was always with me with my husband always on the road Newton was my protection and my buddy.

But when he hurt Tyson I knew he couldn't take much more so I called the vet's office and made an appointment. It was the hardest thing I had to do. That was at 11 in the morning and his appointment was at 3:30pm . It was the longest 4 hours of my life. Newton hid on my side of bed on the floor. After snipping my grandson he knew he did wrong and just was so sad. This broke my heart I didn't even yell at him for it. I couldn't even speak when I saw what he did I was speechless in a way.

So when I took him to the vet's they asked me if I wanted to be there when they put him down. They explain that they would probably have to muzzle him and have to be a bit rough because he would fight when they give him the needle. I thought I didn't want to remember Newton this way. I told them I just couldn't do it. I hugged him tight and started to cry and told him how much I loved him. Also how sorry I was that I had to do this. I ran out in tears and didn't look back I just couldn't. But I feel so guilty right now. He was so scared I should of been there till the end. I really hate myself right now. I can still see his brown eyes looking up at me scared. For the last two years he's been afraid of everything and he would be stuck up my butt and I would get mad and yell at him to leave me alone sometimes. And now I wish he was stuck by my side as I write this. There such an empty feeling to my room now. There is a empty spot near my desk that I made for him to lay so he's comfortable. And it's so empty.

It breaks my heart. Cody my other dog seems so lost to he keeps looking for him and waiting by the door for him. When I let him out he goes looking for him. I know he needed to rest and stop the pain he was enduring but I feel so guilty that I had to do this. I miss him so and he trusted me and I brought him to the place he was afraid of and I left him. Gwad I wish I didn't have to do that.

Well I have to stop writing I can't type anymore the tears are blocking my view.

Thank for listening

Sending many hugs


Anonymous said...

In all honesty I think Newton understand. I think that by writting about him and showing him how much you cared for him he knows he wasn't alone, nor will he ever be.

Marie said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I too had to put my cat Duke down the day after Thanksgiving. You did the right thing and ended his suffering that is all we can do.

I love your blog. Very artistic and colorful. Thanks for the nice comment on my BTS blog.