Sunday, May 14, 2006

~~~~Happy Mother's Day ~~~~

To everyone I know that's a Mommy HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! Today I worked but I really had a good day at work. I'm really starting to get a real tan for once. I wore a tank top today for the first time in my freaken life! I've hated my body all my life I hid behind layers of clothes. Funny thing is I'm at the biggest I've ever been but I'm fed up with being hot and pale. I need to feel good about me for once.

I'm slowly finding out I have to take care of me for once. Melanie is going to be 20 in July and it's time I started to take care of me. No Melanie I'm not leaving you behind I just trying to find out who I am now. For 20 years I've been Melanie's mom, I've hid behind being a mom so I didn't have to put myself out there. What I mean by this is I gave up on me. I stopped buying clothes that look nice. I bought track pants just baggy cloths in general. I stopped doing and going places I enjoyed cause I needed money for bringing up my daughter. Melanie came first and she still does but it's different now she can take care of herself now. I don't regret this at all. But now I want to take my money and get things I want and need for me. I need to find Cheryl again. I'm just not a mother I'm a woman that's been lost for so long that sometimes I feel scared if I'd ever find that woman again. I look in the mirror and see a older woman with blue eyes that still look young, the face has lines but the eyes still want to have fun. To go out and dance have a good time without feeling guilty. I know I shouldn't ever of felt guilty for trying to be an adult but I always felt that I should be there for my daughter. Cause most of the time it was her and me against the world.

Now it's her, her boyfriend or friends exploring the world without me. I know she has to go out on her own so I'm getting prepared for it. I see she turned in to a beautiful young woman who is trying to find her way in this life too. But I'm not the a greatest person to teach her cause I don't know who the heck I am most of the time. So with finding myself it will help her find herself to.

She also hids behind her clothes this isn't what I wanted for her. This is one thing I didn't want her to learn from me but she did! If I get more comfortable with me maybe she'll see who cares what others think. Tasha her bestfriend has a wonderful outlook on life. She tells me she a princess. She wears what the heck she wants and really feels good about herself. Tasha is an inspiration to me. She's going to be 20 herself on May 27. I want to see the world through her eyes for once. So this is my next journey in my life to find the true meaning of Cheryl. So on with it I'm wasting time lol!

I just want to say thanks Melanie for the wonderful gifts you gave me I don't mean just the onces you bought me. Also mean for all you've taught me along the way. Thanks for being there too when I needed you the most! I'm truly blessed to be your mommy!

To all you mommy's out there if it wasn't for our kids we wouldn't feel wonderful today!
Cherlee

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Awww you gave me a little tear! :)
I wuv you too mommy moose LOL!
I'm happy to hear that you are starting or wanting to feel comfortable with your body! We should all think like tasha and not care what people think!
Love you
P.S- I put a new blog on my space!
Check it out... and leave a comment if you want
xo