Tired

This morning I'm truly tired. I'm emotional and physically tired. Also I didn't really sleep last night to much thinking. I let out some of my feelings last night. I had to my husband needed to hear them. He never really said a word. This is what I get nothing no comments or one comment then that's it like he did me a big favor for speaking. Once I was almost done my brother came up stair to make something to eat at 11 o'clock at night. This sorta angried me. It seems when I'm letting stuff out with my husband my brother seems to appear and take his time doing stuff. So I just walk out of the livingroom pissed and went to my room. I know we need privacy. But if it wasn't for my brother living with us I wouldn't have the help 'I get with him being around. I just wish my brother would understand when you hear me talking to my husband stay away. But I will talk to him about this later I'm just to tired to get into it with him.


Well I'm getting off track here. Marc and I been through so much in the last 11 years that I don't want to even think about it. Somethings are truly unbelievable to me other just plain stupid. In my whole life I've never felt so lonely. Tomorrow will be 9 years married. 11 years together. I waited till I was 32 to get married I wanted to wait until I was truly content. With my daughter's father he was never truly committed to me and I never felt safe. So when I had enough I decided to get out of that relationship.

So when I met Marc he showed me a diffent way of life. I felt safe for the first time in my life. So I took the plunge to marry him 9 years ago I thought we were a match made in heaven. I didn't go into this blind I knew we had our share of problems but we could work at them together. But once he had the ring on my finger. He stop trying. It's sad. The funny thing is I could never wear my rings cause they caused a rash so now I don't even wear my set. It's been three years. Was this some kind of sign?

The first year we were married he decided that he would become a trucker. He said that's were the money is. Well the first year of marriage he was gone over 6 months. He moved away to get experience. I didn't get to see him for over 6 months I wasn't impressed but I thought I will stand by my man! But since this time I have been alone.


But I realized in the last while that all of my relationship I was alone in them even if they were there in body they never seemed to be there in mind! But not as alone as I as I feel now. I did and still do mostly everything myself. I'm the one that repair took care of my daughter. I was the one that fixed the problems any shape of form. I've learned the hard way. But now I'm tired of this. I need a shoulder to cry on. I need to feel that I'm important blah blah. I must say he very supportive when it comes to paying the bills. I give him that.


If he knew I was writing this he would never speak to me again. But I truly have to get this out. Not just to my Bestfriend or my daughter I have to see the words to deal. I know either way I'll be ok but I want to feel ok now not a year from now. Anyways enough of my blabbling I don't want to bore yah to much lol Thanks a bunch for listening!

Anywho you need to get your feelings out do it. The only one your hurting by keeping it inside is yourself I know. Let the dam go break it loose and let it fall! Hey isn't that part of a song lol anywho you need someone to talk to I'm here for yah
Cherlee